Hi

This is a cracker (no pun intended).  I remember, a few years ago, a piece by
Ted Wragg in the Times Ed.  He produced an 'NVQ-speak' version of Baa Baa Black
Sheep, the last line of which went:

'And a singularity for the homunculus who resides at the nether end of yonder
narrow highway.'

(or something like that)

Eat your heart out Ted.

Regards

Peter Hill

Seven-of-nine wrote:

> ----- Original Message -----
> >  Message-Id:
> <[log in to unmask]>
> >  To: (Recipient list suppressed)
> >  From: Ronn Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
> >  Date: Fri, 01 Dec 2000 20:32:58 -0600
> >  Subject: [astro-forum] Fwd: [mormon-l] [Fwd] 'Twas the Night Before
> Christmas"(Technobabble version)
> >
> >
> >  >  From another mailing list:
> >
> >_________________________________________________________________________
> >  >_
> >  >The occasion was the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding
> >  >the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout the perimeters of the
> >  >locus of residence occupied by yours truly, kinetic activity was nowhere
> >  >in evidence among the biological population, including that species of
> >  >domestic rodent denoted in zoological nomenclature as Mus musculus.
> >  >Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward margin of the
> >  >hearth-site, pursuant to anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent
> >  >visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric
> >  >appellation includes the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
> >  >
> >  >The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
> >  >dormative accommodations, were experiencing subconscious visual
> >  >hallucinations of variegated fructose confections moving rhythmically
> >  >through their cerebrums. This observer and conjugal partner, attired in
> >  >respective nocturnal cranial coverings, were about to take slumberous
> >  >advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior
> >  >portion of the residential site there ascended such a cacophony of
> >  >dissonance that he felt compelled to arise with alacrity from the place
> >  >of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
> >  >Hastening to the casement, your observer forthwith opened the barriers
> >  >previously secluding a fenestration, noting without that the lunar
> >  >brilliance, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
> >  >precipitation, might be observed to rival the luminosity of the solar
> >  >meridian itself - thus permitting incredulous optical sensory organs to
> >  >behold a miniature airborne runnered-conveyance drawn by eight
> diminutive
> >  >specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, geriatric
> >  >chauffeur so ebullient and lissom that it became instantly apparent that
> >  >he was indeed the anticipated noctivicant caller.
> >  >
> >  >With an ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been
> >  >more vertiginous velocity than aquiline predators, he vociferated
> loudly,
> >  >expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each
> of
> >  >the octet by his/her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..."
> et
> >  >alia - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of the abode,
> through
> >  >which structure your observer could readily distinguish the
> >  >concatenations of each of 32 cloven pedal extremities.
> >  >
> >  >As your humble observer retracted his cranium from its erstwhile
> >  >location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, the distinguished
> >  >visitant achieved -- with utmost celerity and utilizing a downward
> >  >saltation - entry via the smoke ventilation passage. He was clad
> entirely
> >  >in animal pelts soiled by an ebony-like residue from oxidations of
> >  >carboniferous fuels. His resemblance to a street vendor could be
> >  >attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore
> >  >dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
> >  >His optical orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
> >  >submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of an engaging
> >  >amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance
> >  >were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the
> >  >former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the
> latter
> >  >that of the drupe of Prunus avium. His amusing sub- and supralabials
> >  >resembled a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
> >  >appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
> >  >
> >  >Clenched firmly between his incisors was a nicotine input device whose
> >  >grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
> >  >of a decorative seasonal circlet of Aquifoliaceae. His visage was wider
> >  >than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent
> >  >abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in
> a
> >  >hemispherical container. He was, in summary, an obese, jocund,
> >  >multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered this
> >  >observer visibly frolicsome -- despite every effort to refrain from so
> >  >being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating
> his
> >  >head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation was groundless.
> >  >Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
> >  >aforementioned appended hosiery with various articles of merchandise
> >  >extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth
> >  >receptacle. Upon completion of this enterprise, he executed an abrupt
> >  >about- face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to
> his
> >  >olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of
> >  >leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating the
> >  >smoke ventilation passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector
> >  >onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his
> >  >contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds, and proceeded to
> >  >soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the
> >  >seed-bearing portions of botanic species such as Onopodon. But your
> >  >humble observer overheard the parting exclamation of the aforementioned,
> >  >audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of
> >  >immediate visibility:
> >  >"Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to
> >  >that self-same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a
> >  >salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable
> >  >remainder of the current nocturnal cycle."
> >  >-Unknown
> >
>
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--
Peter Hill

Disability Coordinator
University College Worcester
Henwick Grove
Worcester
WR2 6AJ

Tel 01905 855413
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