Hi Bill,
Like this a lot. And I agree with yr poet friend, and Sheila. This
version keeps to the point sharply.
Eight lines is a good length for a poem like this.
Cheers,Jill
________________________
Jill Jones
www.jilljones.com.au
Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones
----- Original Message -----
From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
To:
Cc:
Sent:Wed, 29 Aug 2018 08:41:41 +1000
Subject:Sleep
Sleep
As a clogged fire smoulders
wrestling with its latency
until from somewhere,
kindle catches
and flame is born
so the transition
from restlessness
to the blaze of sleep
bw
I had two more lines at the end:
and soon
the lawless cinema of dreams
but a local poet friend, Ross Gillett, to whom I showed this,
suggested
truncating it to just eight lines as above. Any thoughts,
poetryetcers?
Bill
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