Many thanks, Sheila and Jill. Sometimes new eyes see what these eyes should
see or only see much later.
Bill
On Wed, 29 Aug 2018 at 11:45 am, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Hi Bill,
> Like this a lot. And I agree with yr poet friend, and Sheila. This
> version keeps to the point sharply.
> Eight lines is a good length for a poem like this.
>
> Cheers,Jill
> ________________________
> Jill Jones
> www.jilljones.com.au
>
> Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
> http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
> To:
> Cc:
> Sent:Wed, 29 Aug 2018 08:41:41 +1000
> Subject:Sleep
>
> Sleep
>
> As a clogged fire smoulders
>
> wrestling with its latency
>
> until from somewhere,
>
> kindle catches
>
> and flame is born
>
> so the transition
>
> from restlessness
>
> to the blaze of sleep
>
> bw
>
> I had two more lines at the end:
>
> and soon
>
> the lawless cinema of dreams
>
> but a local poet friend, Ross Gillett, to whom I showed this,
> suggested
> truncating it to just eight lines as above. Any thoughts,
> poetryetcers?
>
> Bill
>
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