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Hi Bill, Like this a lot. And I agree with yr poet friend, and Sheila. This version keeps to the point sharply. Eight lines is a good length for a poem like this. Cheers,Jill ________________________ Jill Jones www.jilljones.com.au Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones ----- Original Message ----- From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics" To: Cc: Sent:Wed, 29 Aug 2018 08:41:41 +1000 Subject:Sleep Sleep As a clogged fire smoulders wrestling with its latency until from somewhere, kindle catches and flame is born so the transition from restlessness to the blaze of sleep bw I had two more lines at the end: and soon the lawless cinema of dreams but a local poet friend, Ross Gillett, to whom I showed this, suggested truncating it to just eight lines as above. Any thoughts, poetryetcers? Bill ######################################################################## To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link: https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1 ######################################################################## To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link: https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1