Thanks, Robin.
Bill
On Thu, 6 Apr 2017 at 10:59 AM, Robin Hamilton <
[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I'd keep the tercet form, Bill -- makes it read (nicely) like a mix of
> haiku and
> WCW.
>
> Robin
>
> >
> > On 06 April 2017 at 00:49 Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >
> >
> > Thanks, Sheila, Doug, Pat again. I tried Andrew's suggestion of
> abolishing
> > the tercets but still wasn't happy so I've mucked with it again, if
> > anybody
> > cares to look. I don't mind being specific about the ghee tin, Doug.
> It
> > might ring a bell or serve as warning for others. Pat, I was aware
> of the
> > song 'Hurt' written by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails and covered so
> > memorably by Cash. But in the song, the hurt is deliberate to see if
> he
> > still feels pain, as I recall.
> >
> > Anyway, last effort for now reads like this, with mainly re-ordering
> > changes.
> >
> > Cut
> >
> > I cut myself today.
> > The empty green ghee tin looked useful.
> > Why not rinse it out?
> >
> > Yikes. Surprised by sharp in sink suds.
> > Internal, infernal metal edge.
> > Warm water masked slash to right thumb.
> >
> > Circum-grip withdrawn digit with left hand
> > to stem before it began, the rich red flow.
> > But rupture will not be denied.
> >
> > Pumping out opinions, pounding about,
> > we take intactness so much for granted.
> > Bodies just flesh jackets over blood rivers,
> >
> > always only one breach from gush.
> >
> > bw
> > 6.4.17
> >
> > Bill
> >
> > On Thu, 6 Apr 2017 at 6:40 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]
> >
> > wrote:
> >
> > > I like the way it gets to its end Bill, but not sure you need to
> > > identify
> > > that tin, which meant nothing to me (or maybe anyone not Aussie?)…
> > >
> > > Doug
> > > > On Apr 5, 2017, at 12:48 PM, Patrick McManus <
> > > [log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Hi Bill just remembered what your first line reminded of -'I hurt
> > > > myself
> > > today' great Johnny cash song (written by someone else
> > > >
> > > > cheers Patrick
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > -------- Forwarded Message --------
> > > > Subject: Re: Cut
> > > > Date: Wed, 5 Apr 2017 08:16:18 +0100
> > > > From: Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
> > > > To: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics <[log in to unmask]>
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Hi Bill thanks the perils of washing up and pouring out opinions
> -my
> > > shed is full of maybe useful jars and tins
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > On 04/04/2017 23:37, Bill Wootton wrote:
> > > >> I cut myself today
> > > >> Surprised by sharp
> > > >> in sink suds
> > > >>
> > > >> The green ghee tin
> > > >> looked useful
> > > >> Why not wash it out
> > > >>
> > > >> Warm water masked
> > > >> the slash to right thumb
> > > >> Infernal internal metal edge
> > > >>
> > > >> Quick withdrawal
> > > >> Circumgrip with left hand
> > > >> to stem before it began
> > > >>
> > > >> the rich red flow
> > > >> But rupture will not
> > > >> be denied its outflow
> > > >>
> > > >> All of us, pumping out
> > > >> opinions, pounding about,
> > > >> only so many blood rivers
> > > >>
> > > >> and sub-rivers,
> > > >> one breach from
> > > >> clearing out.
> > > >>
> > > >> bw
> > >
> > > Douglas Barbour
> > > [log in to unmask]
> > > https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> > >
> > > Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
> > > Continuations
> > > 2 (UofAPress).
> > > Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> > > Listen. If (UofAPress):
> > >
> > > and as you read
> > > the sea is turning its dark pages
> > > turning
> > > its dark pages.
> > >
> > > Denise Levertov
> > >
> >
>
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