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Thanks, Robin. Bill On Thu, 6 Apr 2017 at 10:59 AM, Robin Hamilton < [log in to unmask]> wrote: > I'd keep the tercet form, Bill -- makes it read (nicely) like a mix of > haiku and > WCW. > > Robin > > > > > On 06 April 2017 at 00:49 Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> > wrote: > > > > > > Thanks, Sheila, Doug, Pat again. I tried Andrew's suggestion of > abolishing > > the tercets but still wasn't happy so I've mucked with it again, if > > anybody > > cares to look. I don't mind being specific about the ghee tin, Doug. > It > > might ring a bell or serve as warning for others. Pat, I was aware > of the > > song 'Hurt' written by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails and covered so > > memorably by Cash. But in the song, the hurt is deliberate to see if > he > > still feels pain, as I recall. > > > > Anyway, last effort for now reads like this, with mainly re-ordering > > changes. > > > > Cut > > > > I cut myself today. > > The empty green ghee tin looked useful. > > Why not rinse it out? > > > > Yikes. Surprised by sharp in sink suds. > > Internal, infernal metal edge. > > Warm water masked slash to right thumb. > > > > Circum-grip withdrawn digit with left hand > > to stem before it began, the rich red flow. > > But rupture will not be denied. > > > > Pumping out opinions, pounding about, > > we take intactness so much for granted. > > Bodies just flesh jackets over blood rivers, > > > > always only one breach from gush. > > > > bw > > 6.4.17 > > > > Bill > > > > On Thu, 6 Apr 2017 at 6:40 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask] > > > > wrote: > > > > > I like the way it gets to its end Bill, but not sure you need to > > > identify > > > that tin, which meant nothing to me (or maybe anyone not Aussie?)… > > > > > > Doug > > > > On Apr 5, 2017, at 12:48 PM, Patrick McManus < > > > [log in to unmask]> wrote: > > > > > > > > Hi Bill just remembered what your first line reminded of -'I hurt > > > > myself > > > today' great Johnny cash song (written by someone else > > > > > > > > cheers Patrick > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > -------- Forwarded Message -------- > > > > Subject: Re: Cut > > > > Date: Wed, 5 Apr 2017 08:16:18 +0100 > > > > From: Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]> > > > > To: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics <[log in to unmask]> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi Bill thanks the perils of washing up and pouring out opinions > -my > > > shed is full of maybe useful jars and tins > > > > > > > > > > > > On 04/04/2017 23:37, Bill Wootton wrote: > > > >> I cut myself today > > > >> Surprised by sharp > > > >> in sink suds > > > >> > > > >> The green ghee tin > > > >> looked useful > > > >> Why not wash it out > > > >> > > > >> Warm water masked > > > >> the slash to right thumb > > > >> Infernal internal metal edge > > > >> > > > >> Quick withdrawal > > > >> Circumgrip with left hand > > > >> to stem before it began > > > >> > > > >> the rich red flow > > > >> But rupture will not > > > >> be denied its outflow > > > >> > > > >> All of us, pumping out > > > >> opinions, pounding about, > > > >> only so many blood rivers > > > >> > > > >> and sub-rivers, > > > >> one breach from > > > >> clearing out. > > > >> > > > >> bw > > > > > > Douglas Barbour > > > [log in to unmask] > > > https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/ > > > > > > Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & > > > Continuations > > > 2 (UofAPress). > > > Recording Dates (Rubicon Press). > > > Listen. If (UofAPress): > > > > > > and as you read > > > the sea is turning its dark pages > > > turning > > > its dark pages. > > > > > > Denise Levertov > > > > > >