And the ‘Yikes!’ definitely keeps it from entering that ‘Hurt’ territory…
Doug
> On Apr 5, 2017, at 6:56 PM, Robin Hamilton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> I'd keep the tercet form, Bill -- makes it read (nicely) like a mix of haiku and
> WCW.
>
> Robin
>
>>
>> On 06 April 2017 at 00:49 Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>>
>> Thanks, Sheila, Doug, Pat again. I tried Andrew's suggestion of abolishing
>> the tercets but still wasn't happy so I've mucked with it again, if
>> anybody
>> cares to look. I don't mind being specific about the ghee tin, Doug. It
>> might ring a bell or serve as warning for others. Pat, I was aware of the
>> song 'Hurt' written by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails and covered so
>> memorably by Cash. But in the song, the hurt is deliberate to see if he
>> still feels pain, as I recall.
>>
>> Anyway, last effort for now reads like this, with mainly re-ordering
>> changes.
>>
>> Cut
>>
>> I cut myself today.
>> The empty green ghee tin looked useful.
>> Why not rinse it out?
>>
>> Yikes. Surprised by sharp in sink suds.
>> Internal, infernal metal edge.
>> Warm water masked slash to right thumb.
>>
>> Circum-grip withdrawn digit with left hand
>> to stem before it began, the rich red flow.
>> But rupture will not be denied.
>>
>> Pumping out opinions, pounding about,
>> we take intactness so much for granted.
>> Bodies just flesh jackets over blood rivers,
>>
>> always only one breach from gush.
>>
>> bw
>> 6.4.17
>>
>> Bill
>>
>> On Thu, 6 Apr 2017 at 6:40 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> I like the way it gets to its end Bill, but not sure you need to
>>> identify
>>> that tin, which meant nothing to me (or maybe anyone not Aussie?)…
>>>
>>> Doug
>>>> On Apr 5, 2017, at 12:48 PM, Patrick McManus <
>>> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Hi Bill just remembered what your first line reminded of -'I hurt
>>>> myself
>>> today' great Johnny cash song (written by someone else
>>>>
>>>> cheers Patrick
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> -------- Forwarded Message --------
>>>> Subject: Re: Cut
>>>> Date: Wed, 5 Apr 2017 08:16:18 +0100
>>>> From: Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
>>>> To: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics <[log in to unmask]>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Hi Bill thanks the perils of washing up and pouring out opinions -my
>>> shed is full of maybe useful jars and tins
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On 04/04/2017 23:37, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>>>> I cut myself today
>>>>> Surprised by sharp
>>>>> in sink suds
>>>>>
>>>>> The green ghee tin
>>>>> looked useful
>>>>> Why not wash it out
>>>>>
>>>>> Warm water masked
>>>>> the slash to right thumb
>>>>> Infernal internal metal edge
>>>>>
>>>>> Quick withdrawal
>>>>> Circumgrip with left hand
>>>>> to stem before it began
>>>>>
>>>>> the rich red flow
>>>>> But rupture will not
>>>>> be denied its outflow
>>>>>
>>>>> All of us, pumping out
>>>>> opinions, pounding about,
>>>>> only so many blood rivers
>>>>>
>>>>> and sub-rivers,
>>>>> one breach from
>>>>> clearing out.
>>>>>
>>>>> bw
>>>
>>> Douglas Barbour
>>> [log in to unmask]
>>> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>>
>>> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
>>> Continuations
>>> 2 (UofAPress).
>>> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>>> Listen. If (UofAPress):
>>>
>>> and as you read
>>> the sea is turning its dark pages
>>> turning
>>> its dark pages.
>>>
>>> Denise Levertov
>>>
>>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
Listen. If (UofAPress):
and as you read
the sea is turning its dark pages
turning
its dark pages.
Denise Levertov
|