Yes, but Im tempted to invite you to find & read Olson on brackets….
Doug
On Jul 23, 2015, at 5:53 AM, andrew burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Bravo! What a good result. Well done, Bill.
>
> Andrew
>
> On 23 July 2015 at 20:20, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Thanks, Pat. You keep me on my toes.
>>
>> Bill
>>
>> On 23/07/2015, at 7:14 PM, Patrick McManus wrote:
>>
>>> What team work!!! Well done Bill and it works better (imho!) p drifting
>>> prosaically
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
>>> Behalf Of Bill Wootton
>>> Sent: 23 July 2015 09:56
>>> To: [log in to unmask]
>>> Subject: Re: Drifters
>>>
>>> Great idea, Jill. Thank you. I can see how moving 'into poetry' to the
>> end
>>> would justify use of the delay-inducing sets of parentheses. And the
>>> 'uncanny' bit kind of doubles up the line about 'perception inverters
>>> doesn't it. My test with brackets is to read it through without the
>> brackets
>>> and see if that works. So I have fiddled a bit again now and cut.
>>> Transformations and propulsions have bitten the dust to allow 'drift' to
>>> have its head.
>>>
>>> So, see Pat, all this advice has helped. I think so anyway. Thanks too,
>>> Millicent, Doug, Max, Andrew.
>>>
>>> Here is my 'worked' final version.
>>>
>>> drift
>>>
>>> Can words drift,
>>> (beginning prosaically,
>>> informatively, looking
>>> for all the world,
>>> to be workmanlike,
>>> jobbing sentence components)
>>> right beneath your eyes,
>>> and before you're aware,
>>> (through dint of odd
>>> placement
>>> or line
>>> turn)
>>> into mood-changers,
>>> joy-inspirers,
>>> perception-inverters,
>>> into poetry?
>>>
>>> bw
>>> 23 .7.15
>>>
>>>
>>>> On 23 Jul 2015, at 12:20 pm, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Hi Bill,
>>>>
>>>> I like the brackets. Punctuation is there to be worked with (and around,
>>> at times). I get how this is working with. Just a thought - and it's
>> simply
>>> a thought. To move 'into poetry' to the very end and do without 'into the
>>> uncanny'.
>>>>
>>>> Cheers,
>>>> Jill
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> On 22/07/2015, at 7:29 AM, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> Drifters
>>>>>
>>>>> First drift
>>>>>
>>>>> Can words drift
>>>>> into poetry,
>>>>> (begin prosaically,
>>>>> informatively, looking
>>>>> for all the world at first,
>>>>> like workmanlike,
>>>>> jobbing sentence components)
>>>>> and then,
>>>>> (right under your eyes as it were,
>>>>> before you're aware)
>>>>> transform
>>>>> through dent of odd
>>>>> placement
>>>>> or line
>>>>> turn,
>>>>> into thought-provocative
>>>>> perception-inverters,
>>>>> mood-changers,
>>>>> joy inspirers,
>>>>> propellers
>>>>> into the
>>>>> uncanny?
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Second drift
>>>>>
>>>>> Can words drift into poetry?
>>>>> Beginning prosaically,
>>>>> informatively, looking
>>>>> for all the world,
>>>>> to be workmanlike,
>>>>> jobbing sentence components,
>>>>> then right beneath your eyes,
>>>>> as it were,
>>>>> before you're aware,
>>>>> transforming,
>>>>> through dent of odd
>>>>> placement
>>>>> or line
>>>>> turn,
>>>>> into mood-changers,
>>>>> joy-inspirers,
>>>>> perception-inverters,
>>>>> propellers
>>>>> into uncanny mind zones?
>>>>>
>>>>> bw
>>>>> 22 .7.15
>>>>>
>>>>> Preferences, other ideas, people of the poetryetc?
>>>>
>>>
>>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
Done in by creation itself.
I mean the gods. Not us. Well us too.
The gods moved into books. Who wrote the books?
We wrote the books. In whose dream, then are we dreaming?
Robert Kroetsch.
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