Judy asks for women's opinions.
I think: the nuclear family model is broken. It makes the security of
children depend on that most fickle of things, sexual attraction. If that
feeling goes away after a few years (as it usually does, particularly once
babies come along) or never existed in the first place (as it may not in an
arranged or political marriage) then you need something else to glue the
pair together. In the past this was economic necessity and social stigma
(the latter probably arose out of the former).
But now, the economic necessity has gone for a lot of us, so we need
personal reasons to stay together. The glue of friendship and companionship
isn't strong enough for most of us; to regain a satisfying relationship you
have to talk yourself into "being in love" with your partner once again,
which may be distasteful or even impossible. Possibly this changes once
people get past middle age: I don't really know. I'm only 42 and the older
people I've asked about it give mixed messages: some seem to be truly
content in a mutually agreeable companionship-type relationship where the
sexual fire has gone out for both partners... but some don't.
I wonder whether we can ever achieve a really workable extended family,
tribal, village, or collective living environment for our children... one
that would provide security regardless of the ebb and flow of sexual
relationships? I guess those adopting grandparents are trying their best.
And whoever said that men love women, women love children and children love
hamsters was right. OK, it's a very cynical view and I think life is
generally a bit more complicated, particularly where we are not struggling
to survive... but if it comes to the crunch, the species- and
self-preservation crunch, it's the truth.
Janet
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Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
www.proximity.webhop.net (Poetry)
www.myspace.com/poetjj (Includes occasional arts & culture blog)
The Line Mine, bulletin board for Perth poetry & spoken word:
[log in to unmask]
groups.yahoo.com/group/thelinemine
Breastfeeding info & help: www.breastfeeding.asn.au
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