I can see it both ways, David. What I don’t quite ‘see’ is that ‘blank,’ which you insist upon. Okay: there’s a mystery there, which sounds throughout. I like best that ‘scent of light’ & what it seems to do…
Doug
On Aug 19, 2014, at 4:12 PM, David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks Sheila. that might be a good idea, although I'm still thinking on it
> :)
>
>
> On 19 August 2014 23:07, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> I really like this, David. Tiny suggestions would be to remove the second
>> "still" (final stanza line 3) for effect.
>>
>> Great work! Sheila
>>
>>
>> On Tue, Aug 19, 2014 at 3:00 PM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Moving, David. I get the gratitude I think. I found myself reading 'bank'
>>> for 'blank' but maybe that's the final river interposing. Like
>> particularly
>>> 'footfall echo maps'.
>>>
>>> Bill
>>>
>>>> On 20 Aug 2014, at 7:48 am, David Bircumshaw <
>> [log in to unmask]>
>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> * Scantling Saywas*
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Even though the walls
>>>>
>>>> Collapsed like lungs
>>>>
>>>> Even though to speak
>>>>
>>>> Burnt like a grate
>>>>
>>>> Even though your body
>>>>
>>>> Melted into space
>>>>
>>>> Even though the blank
>>>>
>>>> Was flamed through with holes
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> The morning still maintained
>>>>
>>>> A message from before
>>>>
>>>> The paths still proclaimed
>>>>
>>>> Footfall echo maps
>>>>
>>>> And afternoons still basked
>>>>
>>>> A scent of light turning
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Over on an open river
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>> David Joseph Bircumshaw
>>>> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
>>>> http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk
>>>> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
>>>> Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw
>>>> Tumblr: http://zantikus.tumblr.com/
>>>> twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave
>>>> blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/
>>>> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.com
>>>>
>>>
>>
>
>
>
> --
> David Joseph Bircumshaw
> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk
> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw
> Tumblr: http://zantikus.tumblr.com/
> twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave
> blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/
> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.com
>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
Something else is out there
godamnit
And I want to hear it
C.D.Wright
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