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I can see it both ways, David. What I don’t quite ‘see’ is that ‘blank,’ which you insist upon. Okay: there’s a mystery there, which sounds throughout. I like best that ‘scent of light’ & what it seems to do… Doug On Aug 19, 2014, at 4:12 PM, David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > Thanks Sheila. that might be a good idea, although I'm still thinking on it > :) > > > On 19 August 2014 23:07, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > >> I really like this, David. Tiny suggestions would be to remove the second >> "still" (final stanza line 3) for effect. >> >> Great work! Sheila >> >> >> On Tue, Aug 19, 2014 at 3:00 PM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> >> wrote: >> >>> Moving, David. I get the gratitude I think. I found myself reading 'bank' >>> for 'blank' but maybe that's the final river interposing. Like >> particularly >>> 'footfall echo maps'. >>> >>> Bill >>> >>>> On 20 Aug 2014, at 7:48 am, David Bircumshaw < >> [log in to unmask]> >>> wrote: >>>> >>>> * Scantling Saywas* >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Even though the walls >>>> >>>> Collapsed like lungs >>>> >>>> Even though to speak >>>> >>>> Burnt like a grate >>>> >>>> Even though your body >>>> >>>> Melted into space >>>> >>>> Even though the blank >>>> >>>> Was flamed through with holes >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> The morning still maintained >>>> >>>> A message from before >>>> >>>> The paths still proclaimed >>>> >>>> Footfall echo maps >>>> >>>> And afternoons still basked >>>> >>>> A scent of light turning >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Over on an open river >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> -- >>>> David Joseph Bircumshaw >>>> Website and A Chide's Alphabet >>>> http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk >>>> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html >>>> Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw >>>> Tumblr: http://zantikus.tumblr.com/ >>>> twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave >>>> blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/ >>>> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.com >>>> >>> >> > > > > -- > David Joseph Bircumshaw > Website and A Chide's Alphabet > http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk > The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html > Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/david.bircumshaw > Tumblr: http://zantikus.tumblr.com/ > twitter: http://twitter.com/bucketshave > blog: http://groggydays.blogspot.com/ > Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.com > Douglas Barbour [log in to unmask] Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress). Recording Dates (Rubicon Press). Something else is out there godamnit And I want to hear it C.D.Wright