Excellent, Andrew. Emendations accepted holus-bolus.
Cheers,
Bill
On 10/01/2013, at 1:15 PM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Bill - don't let the truth get in the way of a good poem! I like
> 'springloaded' :
>
> How about -
> When in Yea
> straightaway
> hit Marmalades'
> spring-loaded door
>
> I see an ambiguity in spring loaded when it comes to a country general
> store - seasonal as well as open'n'close.
>
> Andrew
> On 10 January 2013 10:40, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> My wife denies the springloadedness, so I'm simplifying and one Marmalades
>> removing:
>>
>> When in Yea
>> open seven days
>> is a cafe
>> ex general store
>>
>> Andrew, I love Shel, not least Lucy Jordan, although I know this is not
>> his usual jaunty style.
>>
>> On 10/01/2013, at 7:09 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>>> Thanks all for positives on Yea ditty. It is an ex-general store, was
>> run by the same family for nigh on a hundred years and was a pleasant place
>> to visit last week, out of range of current bushfires. Here's a first verse
>> alternative snap:
>>>
>>> When in Yea
>>> straightaway
>>> hit Marmalades
>>> via spring-loaded door
>>>
>>> Cheers,
>>> Bill
>>>
>>>
>>> On 10/01/2013, at 3:50 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Well, I take the point about the first verse, Andrew, but I dont want
>> to lose Yea.
>>>>
>>>> Doug
>>>> On 2013-01-09, at 12:27 AM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> I love its pace and rhythm, other than the first verse. Do you think
>> you
>>>>> need to fill the reader in like a press article? Nah - let 'em jump in
>> with
>>>>> you at a full on pace! Drop the first verse - the rest is explanatory.
>>>>> Perhaps add some jaunty verses in the same rhythm, with or without
>>>>> Marmalade in them. (I'm reminded of Shel Silverstein, one of my fav
>> poets!
>>>>> If you don't know him, take a look - there's sure to be some on the
>> 'Net.)
>>>>>
>>>>> Andrew
>>>>>
>>>>> On 9 January 2013 09:58, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> pleasant
>>>>>>
>>>>>> maybe change line 2 to
>>>>>> visit Marmalades
>>>>>>
>>>>>> and write a sequel about Flowerdale?
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On 09/01/2013, at 7:20 AM, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> When in Yea
>>>>>>> open seven days
>>>>>>> is Marmalades
>>>>>>> ex general store
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> You can eat a tart
>>>>>>> look at art
>>>>>>> relax your heart
>>>>>>> by a fountain
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Drink coffee iced
>>>>>>> Fairly priced
>>>>>>> Be enticed
>>>>>>> at Marmalades
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Heading back
>>>>>>> are many tracks
>>>>>>> no choices lack
>>>>>>> Try Flowerdale
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> --
>>>>> Andrew
>>>>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>>>>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
>>>>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
>>>>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>>>>
>>>> Douglas Barbour
>>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>>
>>>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>>>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>>>
>>>> Latest books:
>>>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
>>>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
>>>> Wednesdays'
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
>>>>
>>>> Swept snow, Li Po,
>>>> by dawn’s 40-watt moon
>>>> to the road that hies to office
>>>> away from home.
>>>>
>>>> Lorine Niedecker
>
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> 'Undercover of Lightness'
> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>
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