My wife denies the springloadedness, so I'm simplifying and one Marmalades removing:
When in Yea
open seven days
is a cafe
ex general store
Andrew, I love Shel, not least Lucy Jordan, although I know this is not his usual jaunty style.
On 10/01/2013, at 7:09 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks all for positives on Yea ditty. It is an ex-general store, was run by the same family for nigh on a hundred years and was a pleasant place to visit last week, out of range of current bushfires. Here's a first verse alternative snap:
>
> When in Yea
> straightaway
> hit Marmalades
> via spring-loaded door
>
> Cheers,
> Bill
>
>
> On 10/01/2013, at 3:50 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Well, I take the point about the first verse, Andrew, but I dont want to lose Yea.
>>
>> Doug
>> On 2013-01-09, at 12:27 AM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>>> I love its pace and rhythm, other than the first verse. Do you think you
>>> need to fill the reader in like a press article? Nah - let 'em jump in with
>>> you at a full on pace! Drop the first verse - the rest is explanatory.
>>> Perhaps add some jaunty verses in the same rhythm, with or without
>>> Marmalade in them. (I'm reminded of Shel Silverstein, one of my fav poets!
>>> If you don't know him, take a look - there's sure to be some on the 'Net.)
>>>
>>> Andrew
>>>
>>> On 9 January 2013 09:58, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>>> pleasant
>>>>
>>>> maybe change line 2 to
>>>> visit Marmalades
>>>>
>>>> and write a sequel about Flowerdale?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On 09/01/2013, at 7:20 AM, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> When in Yea
>>>>> open seven days
>>>>> is Marmalades
>>>>> ex general store
>>>>>
>>>>> You can eat a tart
>>>>> look at art
>>>>> relax your heart
>>>>> by a fountain
>>>>>
>>>>> Drink coffee iced
>>>>> Fairly priced
>>>>> Be enticed
>>>>> at Marmalades
>>>>>
>>>>> Heading back
>>>>> are many tracks
>>>>> no choices lack
>>>>> Try Flowerdale
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Andrew
>>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
>>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
>>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
>>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>>
>> Douglas Barbour
>> [log in to unmask]
>>
>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>
>> Latest books:
>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
>> Wednesdays'
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
>>
>> Swept snow, Li Po,
>> by dawn’s 40-watt moon
>> to the road that hies to office
>> away from home.
>>
>> Lorine Niedecker
>
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