Thanks all for positives on Yea ditty. It is an ex-general store, was run by the same family for nigh on a hundred years and was a pleasant place to visit last week, out of range of current bushfires. Here's a first verse alternative snap:
When in Yea
straightaway
hit Marmalades
via spring-loaded door
Cheers,
Bill
On 10/01/2013, at 3:50 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Well, I take the point about the first verse, Andrew, but I dont want to lose Yea.
>
> Doug
> On 2013-01-09, at 12:27 AM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> I love its pace and rhythm, other than the first verse. Do you think you
>> need to fill the reader in like a press article? Nah - let 'em jump in with
>> you at a full on pace! Drop the first verse - the rest is explanatory.
>> Perhaps add some jaunty verses in the same rhythm, with or without
>> Marmalade in them. (I'm reminded of Shel Silverstein, one of my fav poets!
>> If you don't know him, take a look - there's sure to be some on the 'Net.)
>>
>> Andrew
>>
>> On 9 January 2013 09:58, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>>> pleasant
>>>
>>> maybe change line 2 to
>>> visit Marmalades
>>>
>>> and write a sequel about Flowerdale?
>>>
>>>
>>> On 09/01/2013, at 7:20 AM, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>>
>>>> When in Yea
>>>> open seven days
>>>> is Marmalades
>>>> ex general store
>>>>
>>>> You can eat a tart
>>>> look at art
>>>> relax your heart
>>>> by a fountain
>>>>
>>>> Drink coffee iced
>>>> Fairly priced
>>>> Be enticed
>>>> at Marmalades
>>>>
>>>> Heading back
>>>> are many tracks
>>>> no choices lack
>>>> Try Flowerdale
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Andrew
>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> Wednesdays'
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
>
> Swept snow, Li Po,
> by dawn’s 40-watt moon
> to the road that hies to office
> away from home.
>
> Lorine Niedecker
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