I'm honoured, Bill.
Andrew
On 10 January 2013 14:43, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Excellent, Andrew. Emendations accepted holus-bolus.
>
> Cheers,
> Bill
>
> On 10/01/2013, at 1:15 PM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > Bill - don't let the truth get in the way of a good poem! I like
> > 'springloaded' :
> >
> > How about -
> > When in Yea
> > straightaway
> > hit Marmalades'
> > spring-loaded door
> >
> > I see an ambiguity in spring loaded when it comes to a country general
> > store - seasonal as well as open'n'close.
> >
> > Andrew
> > On 10 January 2013 10:40, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> >> My wife denies the springloadedness, so I'm simplifying and one
> Marmalades
> >> removing:
> >>
> >> When in Yea
> >> open seven days
> >> is a cafe
> >> ex general store
> >>
> >> Andrew, I love Shel, not least Lucy Jordan, although I know this is not
> >> his usual jaunty style.
> >>
> >> On 10/01/2013, at 7:09 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >>
> >>> Thanks all for positives on Yea ditty. It is an ex-general store, was
> >> run by the same family for nigh on a hundred years and was a pleasant
> place
> >> to visit last week, out of range of current bushfires. Here's a first
> verse
> >> alternative snap:
> >>>
> >>> When in Yea
> >>> straightaway
> >>> hit Marmalades
> >>> via spring-loaded door
> >>>
> >>> Cheers,
> >>> Bill
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> On 10/01/2013, at 3:50 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >>>
> >>>> Well, I take the point about the first verse, Andrew, but I dont want
> >> to lose Yea.
> >>>>
> >>>> Doug
> >>>> On 2013-01-09, at 12:27 AM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>>> I love its pace and rhythm, other than the first verse. Do you think
> >> you
> >>>>> need to fill the reader in like a press article? Nah - let 'em jump
> in
> >> with
> >>>>> you at a full on pace! Drop the first verse - the rest is
> explanatory.
> >>>>> Perhaps add some jaunty verses in the same rhythm, with or without
> >>>>> Marmalade in them. (I'm reminded of Shel Silverstein, one of my fav
> >> poets!
> >>>>> If you don't know him, take a look - there's sure to be some on the
> >> 'Net.)
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Andrew
> >>>>>
> >>>>> On 9 January 2013 09:58, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>> pleasant
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> maybe change line 2 to
> >>>>>> visit Marmalades
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> and write a sequel about Flowerdale?
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> On 09/01/2013, at 7:20 AM, Bill Wootton wrote:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> When in Yea
> >>>>>>> open seven days
> >>>>>>> is Marmalades
> >>>>>>> ex general store
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> You can eat a tart
> >>>>>>> look at art
> >>>>>>> relax your heart
> >>>>>>> by a fountain
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Drink coffee iced
> >>>>>>> Fairly priced
> >>>>>>> Be enticed
> >>>>>>> at Marmalades
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Heading back
> >>>>>>> are many tracks
> >>>>>>> no choices lack
> >>>>>>> Try Flowerdale
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>> --
> >>>>> Andrew
> >>>>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> >>>>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
> >>>>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> >>>>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
> >>
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
> >>>>
> >>>> Douglas Barbour
> >>>> [log in to unmask]
> >>>>
> >>>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> >>>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> >>>>
> >>>> Latest books:
> >>>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> >>>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> >>>> Wednesdays'
> >>
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
> >>>>
> >>>> Swept snow, Li Po,
> >>>> by dawn’s 40-watt moon
> >>>> to the road that hies to office
> >>>> away from home.
> >>>>
> >>>> Lorine Niedecker
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Andrew
> > http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> > 'Undercover of Lightness'
> > http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> > 'Shikibu Shuffle'
> >
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
> >
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
'Undercover of Lightness'
http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
'Shikibu Shuffle'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
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