Bill - don't let the truth get in the way of a good poem! I like
'springloaded' :
How about -
When in Yea
straightaway
hit Marmalades'
spring-loaded door
I see an ambiguity in spring loaded when it comes to a country general
store - seasonal as well as open'n'close.
Andrew
On 10 January 2013 10:40, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> My wife denies the springloadedness, so I'm simplifying and one Marmalades
> removing:
>
> When in Yea
> open seven days
> is a cafe
> ex general store
>
> Andrew, I love Shel, not least Lucy Jordan, although I know this is not
> his usual jaunty style.
>
> On 10/01/2013, at 7:09 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > Thanks all for positives on Yea ditty. It is an ex-general store, was
> run by the same family for nigh on a hundred years and was a pleasant place
> to visit last week, out of range of current bushfires. Here's a first verse
> alternative snap:
> >
> > When in Yea
> > straightaway
> > hit Marmalades
> > via spring-loaded door
> >
> > Cheers,
> > Bill
> >
> >
> > On 10/01/2013, at 3:50 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> >> Well, I take the point about the first verse, Andrew, but I dont want
> to lose Yea.
> >>
> >> Doug
> >> On 2013-01-09, at 12:27 AM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >>
> >>> I love its pace and rhythm, other than the first verse. Do you think
> you
> >>> need to fill the reader in like a press article? Nah - let 'em jump in
> with
> >>> you at a full on pace! Drop the first verse - the rest is explanatory.
> >>> Perhaps add some jaunty verses in the same rhythm, with or without
> >>> Marmalade in them. (I'm reminded of Shel Silverstein, one of my fav
> poets!
> >>> If you don't know him, take a look - there's sure to be some on the
> 'Net.)
> >>>
> >>> Andrew
> >>>
> >>> On 9 January 2013 09:58, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >>>
> >>>> pleasant
> >>>>
> >>>> maybe change line 2 to
> >>>> visit Marmalades
> >>>>
> >>>> and write a sequel about Flowerdale?
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> On 09/01/2013, at 7:20 AM, Bill Wootton wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>>> When in Yea
> >>>>> open seven days
> >>>>> is Marmalades
> >>>>> ex general store
> >>>>>
> >>>>> You can eat a tart
> >>>>> look at art
> >>>>> relax your heart
> >>>>> by a fountain
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Drink coffee iced
> >>>>> Fairly priced
> >>>>> Be enticed
> >>>>> at Marmalades
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Heading back
> >>>>> are many tracks
> >>>>> no choices lack
> >>>>> Try Flowerdale
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> --
> >>> Andrew
> >>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> >>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
> >>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> >>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
> >>>
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
> >>
> >> Douglas Barbour
> >> [log in to unmask]
> >>
> >> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> >> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> >>
> >> Latest books:
> >> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> >> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> >> Wednesdays'
> >>
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
> >>
> >> Swept snow, Li Po,
> >> by dawn’s 40-watt moon
> >> to the road that hies to office
> >> away from home.
> >>
> >> Lorine Niedecker
> >
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
'Undercover of Lightness'
http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
'Shikibu Shuffle'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
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