Sounds like that sharp ending was his, but you utilized it well, & it follows perfectly from the previous stanza.
Small point, but I'd put a colon after 'metaphor abounds' so that the next two lines dont jar so much but follow...
Doug
On 2012-06-26, at 6:37 PM, Bill Wootton wrote:
> all's been in readiness for some time now.
> bedside hospital hours all done.
> photos and memories, browsed and bruised.
>
> each available progeny has prepared
> two or three A4 sheets of 'special memories'
> to share with those of us still living.
>
> metaphor abounds.
> new rooms entered,
> reefs beyonded.
>
> the mayoress assured him
> only a fortnight ago,
> he'd be back.
>
> yeah, he croaked,
> from the good half
> of his stroke afflicted lips,
>
> as
> smoke
> signals.
>
>
> Bill Wootton 27.6.12
>
Douglas Barbour
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