I shan't muck it up for you further, but I agree with Fredrick in that you are too close to the subject and all you can see are the grief-points.
Perhaps step away and diffuse the emotions?
Perhaps look for the important lines, the lines which are important to the poem (not necessrily the lines that you are closest to)
For example
After Miles Davis
It wrapped around his liver.
Because the shock even under general
would kill him straightaway.
The vet didn't say "Man up"
Said "I'm sorryā€¯ - I promised myself
I wouldn't do that.
He might as well be wearing a white wig.
I am a slow study but started to sob.
-----Original Message-----
From: Ken Wolman <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Wed, Jun 2, 2010 6:46 pm
Subject: Re: Veterinary
This will reward study. seriously. Thank you.
kw
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en Wolman http://awfulrowing.wordpress.com/
"All writers are hunters, and parents are the most available prey."
-Francine du Plessix Gray
On Jun 2, 2010, at 7:39 PM, Frederick Pollack wrote:
> Even after eight years you're too close to it; you're thinking of your grief,
ot of the reader. In grief, as in love, every detail is precious; for a
arrative poem, most details are dispensable. Hope this is useful:
Miles (after Miles Davis,)
had something wrong; his liver enzymes were shot.
So I left him at the vet to be examined
while I went on a job interview.
When I get home the doctor's
British accent was unexpected. I'd expected.
It's some sort of infection,
here's a prescription, let him sleep.
Instead this: "There is a tumor and the x-rays
show it wrapped around his liver.
I can't biopsy because the shock.
even under general, would kill him straightaway."
He had read Miles's death sentence.
He might as well be wearing a white wig.
I am a slow study but started to sob.
Said "I'm sorry - I promised myself
I wouldn't do that."
The vet didn't say "Man up"
or "It's better," but let me cry
then gather myself to arrange the time,
after hours, for the procedure.
I came to Miles with an Irish whistle,
played "Amazing Grace." He couldn't care less,.
annoyed by the IV feed
in the vein of his right rear leg
he was trying to get out. I was just in the way.
When the the barbiturates pumped into him,
he toppled and died at once.
We were witnesses in an execution chamber.
I looked up. Tears ran down the vet's face.
Months later I asked him, "Was I seeing things?"
"I was crying," he said..
"It's not hard to do if the animal
is old or terminal. But after an accident,
abuse, or in a young one,
it's still very hard. I believe that Miles
had life left in him but he had no choice."
I imagine Miles as one of my children,
not seeing it coming: the brake failure,
the drive-by. Years later I surrendered
an old cat, who welcomed her release,
but Miles was surprised by a terrible grace,
entry too soon into a world without pain.
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