On Thu, Jul 3, 2008 at 9:35 PM, Judy Prince
<[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Dom,
>
> I feel your pain, as someone here in the USA frequently says.
Mine is more of a gripe. There are twinges. It isn't agony. There are
rewards and consolations. The more significant of these are
immeasurable: you just can't weigh them against anything you think
you've lost, even personal dignity, freedom of movement, buying
power...
> When my son was 11, I suddenly recognised that he was A Person.
My son is precocious. He's 8, and he's one already.
> And, sadly, I was monumentally ignorant at being a
> wife.
That is a strangely lovely and consoling thing to hear. I think it's
hard to be a spouse. Wifing and husbanding (husbandry? well, that
takes us into an old sexist field of metaphor...) are not at all
straightforward occupations. We start from a position of utter
ignorance, and take far longer than we should at advancing beyond
that. Ten years into the relationship, eight years into parenthood,
six years into marriage, I have some rudimentary chops. I mean simple
things, basic courtesies and kindnesses, the most tentative steps
outside the circle of self-interest. It doesn't come naturally. Even
though I think my parents are kind people, and have been kind to each
other over the years, less of it rubs off than should. You really do
have to learn for yourself.
Dominic
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