Thanks, David. By shapeliness, do you mean of the overall structure, that is
four stanzas of four lines? I really appreciate your views.
Nathan
On Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 2:09 AM, David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> There are some brilliant phrases in this, Nathan. I'd wonder about
> finding a more shapeliness for it, but I'd guess that's for a later
> cast.
>
> Best
>
> Dave
>
> 2008/6/22 Nathan Hondros <[log in to unmask]>:
> > I said more than a week ago that I was going to focus on poetry solidly
> for
> > a week. With special emphasis on internal consistency. A good first step
> > towards that? It has no title.
> >
> > flame trees sleep off
> > the fretting birds
> > and the boy climbing
> > for all he's worth,
> >
> > just to see what
> > the tree can tell
> > from its sluggish doze,
> > through cauterised green eyes.
> >
> > on the ground
> > i am perspective/convergence,
> > a meeting angle bisecting
> > just beyond his focus.
> >
> > climbing down quick,
> > he has seen with vegetable eyes,
> > and goes shrugging off foliage,
> > the narcoleptic pace of trees.
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > http://nathanhondros.blogspot.com
> >
>
>
>
> --
> David Bircumshaw
> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
>
--
http://nathanhondros.blogspot.com
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