Thanks, Doug. Take your point. This version then, expects a bit of a reader
as I remove the basic 'tell' but may be more engaging.
That look
The lips
can be doing anything
- barely touching -
or hovering minimally apart.
Posture, sprung-alert.
Defences dropped,
Charm taking hold.
Sparkling open-eyed-ness
directed your way. But not at you.
Feels almost indecent.
bw
11.8.17
Bill
On Fri, 11 Aug 2017 at 1:16 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> Bill
>
> the last 3 stanzas almost stand n their own. But Feel the first 2 ‘tell’
> too much, & are explanatory rather than taking us into the situation. Maybe
> don’t need st 2 & 3?
>
> Doug
> > On Aug 9, 2017, at 4:31 PM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >
> > Thanks, Jill, Doug. Not withstanding Patrick's snappy definition, I feel
> I
> > need to go after this again, not satisfied that version one does the job.
> >
> > That look 2
> >
> > That level of sparkling-eyed engagement.
> > directed your way. But not at you.
> >
> > You, mere backdrop, positioned
> > behind or to the side of a stage performer,
> >
> > only receiving by default
> > what someone else has earned.
> >
> > Notice the lips,
> > which can be doing anything
> >
> > - barely touching -
> > or hovering minimally apart.
> >
> > Posture, sprung-alert.
> > But it's the open-eyed-ness.
> >
> > Defences down, Charm taking hold.
> > Feels almost indecent.
> >
> > bw
> > 10.8.17
> >
> > Bill
> >
> > On Thu, 10 Aug 2017 at 1:14 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> > wrote:
> >
> >> I agree, & the sense of such acts as performances…
> >>
> >> Doug
> >>> On Aug 9, 2017, at 6:43 AM, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >>>
> >>> I like how it moves through points of view.
> >>>
> >>> ________________________
> >>> Jill Jones
> >>> www.jilljones.com.au
> >>>
> >>> Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
> >>> http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones
> >>>
> >>> ----- Original Message -----
> >>> From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
> >>> To:
> >>> Cc:
> >>> Sent:Wed, 9 Aug 2017 11:31:52 +0000
> >>> Subject:Re: That look
> >>>
> >>> Not a relationship really Patrick. Just trying to get across a look
> >>> which
> >>> is not yours to receive which you can see when someone is looking at
> >>> someone else who charms them and you are 'behind' them and get to see
> >>> the
> >>> intensity of the gaze.
> >>> Probably needs work as a poem.
> >>>
> >>> Bill
> >>>
> >>> On Wed, 9 Aug 2017 at 6:42 pm, Patrick McManus <
> >>> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >>>
> >>>> ah Bill these relationship things -he seemed a defeated sort ??
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> On 08/08/2017 23:08, Bill Wootton wrote:
> >>>>> Sparkling-eyed engagement.
> >>>>> Not directed your way. Ever.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> But sit behind or to the side
> >>>>> of a stage performer,
> >>>>>
> >>>>> you may receive it.
> >>>>> By default.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Not in the lips,
> >>>>> which can do anything,
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Alert posture, sure,
> >>>>> but it's the open-eyed-ness.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Charm taking hold.
> >>>>> Quite unmans you.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> bw
> >>>>
> >>>
> >>
> >> Douglas Barbour
> >> [log in to unmask]
> >> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> >>
> >> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
> Continuations
> >> 2 (UofAPress).
> >> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> >> Listen. If (UofAPress):
> >>
> >>
> >> In the new dispensation, conspiracy
> >> Will be replaced by
> >> Collusion, the diction of the age
> >> Filtered through the great sieve of particulars
> >> To be sorted out later,
> >>
> >> Ann Lauterbach
> >>
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations
> 2 (UofAPress).
> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> Listen. If (UofAPress):
>
>
> In the new dispensation, conspiracy
> Will be replaced by
> Collusion, the diction of the age
> Filtered through the great sieve of particulars
> To be sorted out later,
>
> Ann Lauterbach
>
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