Bill
the last 3 stanzas almost stand n their own. But Feel the first 2 ‘tell’ too much, & are explanatory rather than taking us into the situation. Maybe don’t need st 2 & 3?
Doug
> On Aug 9, 2017, at 4:31 PM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Thanks, Jill, Doug. Not withstanding Patrick's snappy definition, I feel I
> need to go after this again, not satisfied that version one does the job.
>
> That look 2
>
> That level of sparkling-eyed engagement.
> directed your way. But not at you.
>
> You, mere backdrop, positioned
> behind or to the side of a stage performer,
>
> only receiving by default
> what someone else has earned.
>
> Notice the lips,
> which can be doing anything
>
> - barely touching -
> or hovering minimally apart.
>
> Posture, sprung-alert.
> But it's the open-eyed-ness.
>
> Defences down, Charm taking hold.
> Feels almost indecent.
>
> bw
> 10.8.17
>
> Bill
>
> On Thu, 10 Aug 2017 at 1:14 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
>> I agree, & the sense of such acts as performances…
>>
>> Doug
>>> On Aug 9, 2017, at 6:43 AM, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>> I like how it moves through points of view.
>>>
>>> ________________________
>>> Jill Jones
>>> www.jilljones.com.au
>>>
>>> Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
>>> http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
>>> To:
>>> Cc:
>>> Sent:Wed, 9 Aug 2017 11:31:52 +0000
>>> Subject:Re: That look
>>>
>>> Not a relationship really Patrick. Just trying to get across a look
>>> which
>>> is not yours to receive which you can see when someone is looking at
>>> someone else who charms them and you are 'behind' them and get to see
>>> the
>>> intensity of the gaze.
>>> Probably needs work as a poem.
>>>
>>> Bill
>>>
>>> On Wed, 9 Aug 2017 at 6:42 pm, Patrick McManus <
>>> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>>> ah Bill these relationship things -he seemed a defeated sort ??
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On 08/08/2017 23:08, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>>>> Sparkling-eyed engagement.
>>>>> Not directed your way. Ever.
>>>>>
>>>>> But sit behind or to the side
>>>>> of a stage performer,
>>>>>
>>>>> you may receive it.
>>>>> By default.
>>>>>
>>>>> Not in the lips,
>>>>> which can do anything,
>>>>>
>>>>> Alert posture, sure,
>>>>> but it's the open-eyed-ness.
>>>>>
>>>>> Charm taking hold.
>>>>> Quite unmans you.
>>>>>
>>>>> bw
>>>>
>>>
>>
>> Douglas Barbour
>> [log in to unmask]
>> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>
>> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations
>> 2 (UofAPress).
>> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>> Listen. If (UofAPress):
>>
>>
>> In the new dispensation, conspiracy
>> Will be replaced by
>> Collusion, the diction of the age
>> Filtered through the great sieve of particulars
>> To be sorted out later,
>>
>> Ann Lauterbach
>>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
Listen. If (UofAPress):
In the new dispensation, conspiracy
Will be replaced by
Collusion, the diction of the age
Filtered through the great sieve of particulars
To be sorted out later,
Ann Lauterbach
|