Max, I thought about it - and thought it would be a constructed
afterthought, not ever my best poetry! And thanks for your response, Bill,
Kenneth, Patrick and anyone who thought about it, silently.
Andrew
On 30 May 2014 14:00, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Disagree, Max. The 'sold' is the etc, the light is the poetry.
>
> Bill
>
> On 30/05/2014, at 1:23 PM, Max Richards wrote:
>
> > and the Sold sign offers itself as a sequel or extension
> >
> > Max
> >
> > On 30 May 2014, at 1:13 pm, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> >> Yes, Max, I was wondering about that myself - some of those lines are
> >> extremely weak on their own. But then again they'll never be on their
> own.
> >> I'll jiggle it about and see if any better form appears. Breath is one
> good
> >> measure, for sure. Maybe I will try it as a prose poem - In my mind
> before
> >> I started writing, I had a vague notion of a pantoum, but that closing
> >> didn't exist until I wrote it - and I'd hate to lose it. 'Oh, the
> wonderful
> >> workings of a wheelbarrow!' as my father would say.
> >>
> >> This morning we awoke to find a SOLD sign on Rosie's house. Sad.
> >>
> >> Andrew
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> On 30 May 2014 10:43, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >>
> >>> endorsing Bill's response, Andrew.
> >>>
> >>> However I confess to wondering about what readers of my stuff often say
> >>> they question, the shortness of the lines.
> >>> I try to imagine you reading it to listeners and to the pauses your
> voice
> >>> will make as you read...
> >>>
> >>> Max in Melbourne
> >>>
> >>> On 29 May 2014, at 12:07 pm, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> >>> wrote:
> >>>
> >>>> What a beauty, Andrew, right to its neat closure. I did wonder about
> the
> >>> line 'she didn't think' at first but seeing the later line 'she hasn't
> >>> thought', I see how you get it right. And in fact both lines underline
> the
> >>> shock phase of the grieving process which doesn't always follow the
> >>> 'course'.
> >>>>
> >>>> Bill
> >>>>
> >>>>> On 29 May 2014, at 10:55 am, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>> First poem after a long dry spell and many interruptions! All
> comments
> >>>>> welcome.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> *Rosie's Light*
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>> 3.40am I stand in
> >>>>>
> >>>>> our front garden.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Across the road
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Rosie's kitchen light is on.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> It's been on
> >>>>>
> >>>>> for months since she
> >>>>>
> >>>>> walked in one morning
> >>>>>
> >>>>> and found Bob at
> >>>>>
> >>>>> the kitchen table, sitting,
> >>>>>
> >>>>> resting after nightshift.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Everything changed for
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Rosie that morning but
> >>>>>
> >>>>> she didn't think to
> >>>>>
> >>>>> turn the light off.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Police came and medicos
> >>>>>
> >>>>> and such and by
> >>>>>
> >>>>> late afternoon everything
> >>>>>
> >>>>> was finished .
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Now it's winter.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Rosie goes shopping
> >>>>>
> >>>>> with gloves and umbrella
> >>>>>
> >>>>> and nods and smiles
> >>>>>
> >>>>> when we say 'hello'. But
> >>>>>
> >>>>> she hasn't thought to
> >>>>>
> >>>>> turn the light off
> >>>>>
> >>>>> even though
> >>>>>
> >>>>> she's pushed his chair in
> >>>>>
> >>>>> and closed the door.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> --
> >>>>> Andrew
> >>>>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> >>>>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
> >>>>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> >>>>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
> >>>>>
> >>>
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
> >>>>>
> >>>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> --
> >> Andrew
> >> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> >> 'Undercover of Lightness'
> >> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> >> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
> >>
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
> >
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
'Undercover of Lightness'
http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
'Shikibu Shuffle'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
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