I'd say it's too concise, and needs opening (or "widening" perhaps!). The
trouble for me is that I don't get the urge to open it myself, there isn't
enough here to intrigue me. Not to mention that I hate the word
"luminescence".
KS
On 6 September 2011 21:58, Bob Grumman <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> the luminescence of the ice skates
> lying where poetry in English
> made its first major ascent
>
> I'd greatly appreciate feedback as to whether or not
>
> 1. it works as a poem?
>
> 2. what it means as a critical statement about the history of poetry in
> English is clear?
>
> 3. its meaning as a critical statement (if clear) makes sense?
>
> It is intended to be both poem, albeit a (very minor) poem-within-a-
> larger-poem, and a critical statement.
>
> --Bob
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