You know I'm a merciless critic, Andrew.
I like the new slender you.
I also like every bit EXCEPT "for reel" and the little "and" hanging off the
edge of the 2nd line, 1st stanza.
Now make it clear to me what you're saying; i.e., paraphrase your poem.
Other folk may see immediately your point[s], but I don't see any except
little unconnected bits.
I think you're onto something here that's grand, and that's the way I want
it to be. Dunno whether that means your getting fatter or reorganising the
bits, or tossing in a chunk of red meat around which the words will sing and
dance and that other stuff that folk do in the back pews.
Best,
Judy
2009/8/27 andrew burke <[log in to unmask]>
> This started as a snap, then I got lost in language, tightened, edited, and
> here it is: I call it Heritage, but that could change:
>
> habits and tics
>
> of language and
>
>
>
> perhaps faith
>
> paperthin
>
>
>
> as it was
>
>
>
> ~
>
>
>
> and music
>
> set elusive
>
>
>
> on my hands
>
> and feet
>
>
>
> for reel
>
>
>
> ~
>
>
>
> How knuckles
>
> learn so easily
>
>
>
> fast to fight
>
> in fear and
>
> loathing
>
>
>
> ~
>
>
>
> swollen now
>
> as the tongue
>
>
>
> dumb Kyrie
>
> in a back pew
>
>
>
>
>
> Comments, suggestions and criticisms all welcome.
>
>
>
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>
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