I take Doug's point. However, I think dropping the rhyme follows the
idea of "falling away", following up the "pensive" as an act of reflection.
Just a thought, but perhaps changing the final "itself" to something
like "in any case" might bring back the rhyme at the end, a circular, if
not egg-shaped closure, and double the reflection.
best
Randolph
andrew burke wrote:
> Yes, I only noticed that after writing - it wasn't a set musical piece, so I
> shall probably edit to avoid them. My wife hates it, yet my best 'editor'
> friend loves it. Whaddyado, Magoo!
>
> Andrew
>
> 2009/2/14 Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
>
>
>> I like the thinking in this Andrew, but was prepared for end rhymes by the
>> first 2 stanzas, not followed through....
>>
>> Doug
>>
>> On 11-Feb-09, at 9:37 PM, andrew burke wrote:
>>
>> After lunch I throw
>>
>>> the eggshell away.
>>>
>>> In my pensive mood
>>> I think of it as everyday
>>>
>>> as the falling away
>>> layers of living flesh
>>>
>>> as we go about,
>>> walking, thinking, writing.
>>>
>>> As to the egg, I have
>>> little knowledge to
>>>
>>> respond philosophically.
>>> Instead, I brush my teeth,
>>>
>>> this habit of a lifetime
>>> a kind of shell itself.
>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Andrew
>>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>>>
>>>
>>>
>> Douglas Barbour
>> [log in to unmask]
>>
>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/ <http://www.ualberta.ca/%7Edbarbour/>
>>
>> Latest books:
>> Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
>> Wednesdays'
>>
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
>>
>> Awards are merely the badges of mediocrity.
>>
>> Charles Ives
>>
>>
>
>
>
>
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