I like it too Roger, but I'd also venture that in parts it reads like
words in search of their object, qualifiers longing for a subject. The
rhythm gets a-moving in the middle for a bit, but the page for the eye
unannounced spondee at the start doesn't move the rest on. It seems
like a notional thing, the idea of it rather than the it. Or is it a
spondee: could be a trochee, could be an iamb, could an almost
anything within two units: do like it still, sorry if I sound harsh,
for me, though, it does stall at the head.
All the Best
2008/9/7 Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>:
> I like it, Roger. That wall, clouded/crowded that way, & the while moving
> 'swiftly,' as Andrew also says...
>
> Doug
> On 6-Sep-08, at 11:08 AM, Roger Day wrote:
>
>> swifts cloud
>> before a vertical face
>> faux marble
>> glass
>> sometimes
>> one approaches the wall
>> fails to find purchase
>> a poor man at Harrods
>> a Norfolk accent for afternoon tea
>> a white-man at Hammersmith Palais
>> a black-man at Whites
>> eave-less walls
>> sterile crops
>> naked skin on arctic ice
>> fingers in volcano ash
>> yet still they look for rest
>>
>> --
>> My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
>> "I began to warm and chill
>> to objects and their fields"
>> Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
>>
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
> Wednesdays'
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
>
> A little planet blues, for the
> deathwatch.
> A season of rictus riffs.
>
> Dennis Lee
>
--
David Bircumshaw
Website and A Chide's Alphabet http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
|