Forgot to tell you, R'Owl, that the additions you made from "swifts" to
".....hovers" work beautifully together as well as effectively set up your
subsequent comparison. You'd said you did the poem in 2 distinct parts, and
I think it now even more richly runs its analogy.
Tho I'd still prefer your chopping the last 5 lines, I'd like to see them
replaced......p'raps with a penultimate and ultimate Big Grab.
This is a powerful poem, full of contrasting textures, movements, emotions,
materialist-naturalist and socio-political stances. Once again, you've
_distilled_ much. A perfumer, you!
Hope you're enjoying your 'proms', whatever they are. <g>
joodles
2008/9/9 Roger Day <[log in to unmask]>
> swifts cloud the sheer face
> faux marble curtain-wall
> glass-plate suspension
> brownian motion
> whispering against smoothness
> sometimes a little one
> approaches glissando
> flaps and hovers
> fails to find purchase
> a poor man at Harrods
> a Norfolk accent for afternoon tea
> a white-man at Hammersmith Palais
> a black-man at Whites
> eave-less walls
> sterile crops
> naked skin on arctic ice
> fingers in volcano ash
> yet still we look for rest
>
>
> 1. Dave & Judy were right insofaras I thought of the first bit with
> the swifts, then added the rest. In a normal snap, I would have left
> the pairs out, but I had this neat idea. I still don't think I've
> "rescued" the first part re: Dave's comments but that's it for now.
> 2. The Hammersmith Palais is a quote from the Clash
> 3. Whites is an "exclusive" club in London.
> 4. Eaveless walls give no comfort for birds, hence partly the reason
> for their decline.
> 5. Swifts like to cling to and nest on cliff-faces. Of course they
> can't do this with an actual cliff face.
> 6. I'm an intuitive, not a more technical poet. I'm atrocious with
> trochee. Or is that crochet?
> 7. Difficulty. I make no apologies. No pain no gain. As AS Byatt said
> about characters in Modernist works, you get the most out of the
> relationships you have to work at.
> 8. the poem is in the style of an aggregation, a collage. It works by
> accumulationn rather than narrative.
> 9. Afternoon is sometime a snooty middle-class affair. We did similar,
> but never called it "afternoon tea". Such are the subtleties of
> class-life in England.
>
> Sorry this is short, off to the proms tonight, this is my lunch hour.
> The Chicago symphony Orchestra were sodding marvelous last night. Wow.
>
> Roger
>
> --
> My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
> "I began to warm and chill
> to objects and their fields"
> Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
>
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