this is really great, such personal/inter-personal juxtaposition &
description. well done.
the second 'stanza' being prose is a cool transition from half-truth
to concealed truth. all I'd like is for the rhythm to be more cohesive
there.
KS
On 23/01/2008, Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Snapshot 23-01-2008
>
> When he phones, nine hours behind,
> I narrowcast news: I pruned the lime tree.
> The sky is windy. The children are happy
> but missing you. We saw a movie --
> 'The Water Horse'. Wonderful.
> You ought to see it. How're you doing?
>
> I don't say I rearranged the kitchen, moved his clock radio, found his
> hammer drill and put up some shelves -- or that the children tidied his
> workshop. Or that I haven't put one piece in the jigsaw we started before he
> left.
>
> ***
>
> Comments: the second stanza was originally in messy, heavily enjambed free
> verse, but I didn't like it and went for prose.
> For once this poem is literally true, except the lime tree... it was
> actually a lemon, two oranges and a mandarin.
> Janet
> --
> Janet Jackson
> [log in to unmask]
> www.proximity.webhop.net
> www.myspace.com/poetjj
>
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