thank you for the feedback Fred; so swift too!
will take you up on that first suggestion, I think. & the one on the last
two lines as well. on the fence with letting the pear go.
the reference to the quote may not be especially effective, I just liked it.
and pears are usually kept in the kitchen, right?
KS
On 10/01/07, Frederick Pollack <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "kasper salonen" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Tuesday, January 09, 2007 6:06 PM
> Subject: craft
>
>
> > this is one of several very recent poems, this felt most suitable to
> show
> > you all for some reason.
> > inspired by the quote at the top of this page:
> > http://www.salvador-dali.org/dali/en_index.html
> >
> > craft, in the kitchen
> >
> > water froths a lid-peek
> > on a hot stove, & steam
> > gowns its speck balloons
> > on the cabinets.
> >
> > a shut tube of light is clicked
> > among the shelves of a packed
> > cupboard, its hum lags & flickers.
> >
> > chairs in this late morning light
> > are steady, hand-lain by Dal¨ª.
> >
> > the water of a glass is damper, rain
> > tapping the windows awake.
> >
> > such indifference of water & light,
> > the cry of a whale
> > or a hen¨Da pear
> > amidst the tumults
> > of history
> >
> > KS
> >
> Suggestion: "A shut tube of light clicks." I wonder if the Dali reference
> is effective, and I don't understand "a pear." Last 3 lines could be "the
> cry of a whale / or a hen / amidst the tumult of history"; giving the last
> two words a line of their own seems a bit pompous. Otherwise, this is a
> nicely sensual, not just visual poem.
>
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