thankyou for the comments. very helpful.
roger
On 1/22/06, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> On 1/22/06, Frederick Pollack <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Roger Day" <[log in to unmask]>
> > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2006 7:55 PM
> > Subject: egg crack
> >
> >
> tight
> seamless
> silence
> can't get in
> can't get out
>
> crack
> jaws
> crash through
> blue appears
> light blind
> shock
>
> i waddle out
> fluffy tabula rasa
> imprint your text-image
> first time
> for me to make marks to anyone
> you liked me better
> before
> >
> > I like this. I think you could drop two words: "nutshell" and "gesture."
> > Would this chicken-persona "know" or say "nutshell"? Does it help, really,
> > to compare an eggshell - we know it's an eggshell - to a nutshell? You keep
> > the reader more focused and curious without it; and for the same reason I'd
> > drop "gesture." We SEE the persona make the gesture; we don't need it to be
> > signalled. Otherwise, enjoyable poem. -- "Haircut" is more obscure to me -
> > what event? "Curating" means what, here? The invective piled on this faint
> > figure seems excessive, unconnected.
> >
>
>
> --
> http://www.badstep.net/
> http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
>
--
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http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
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