Dear Doctor,

I regret to tell you that you were unsuccessful on this occasion in your 
application for the surgical senior house officer rotation at this 
hospital recently advertised in the British Medical Journal. You will be 
aware that you are one of 312 applicants, and much as we would like to 
shortlist everyone, we had to stop at eight.  However, we appreciate that 
part of our task is to provide feedback to enable you to adjust your CV 
more accurately for future applications elsewhere, or to assist you in 
considering your future options. We have indicated the applicable area of 
concern below by placing a ring round the appropriate number(s): 

1. While occasional locum jobs are an unavoidable part of any doctor's 
career, we do not feel that 742 locums without a substantive post in the 
NHS since 1962 quite fulfils our criteria for eligibility.

2. Whilst you showed great resourcefulness in using a post-it as a 
covering letter for your CV, we cannot accept advertising material to 
avoid accusations of sleaze or bribery. We hasten to add that there is 
nothing wrong with Lodine and your post-it remained securely attached to 
your CV.

3. You need to get out more. You do now hold the record with 87 fonts in a 
single CV submitted to this hospital, but we wonder seriously if such 
skill with a wordprocessor does not intrude on the remainder of your life. 
Quality not quantity, we suggest.

4. Conventionally, we write from left to right in the NHS, not from left 
to top right corner with print of ever decreasing size. Presbyocusia is 
all to common among Consultants.

5. We find CVs with a font size that allows more than three words per page 
easier to read and less taxing for the postroom staff. Your book was very 
heavy.

6. We see you have followed an increasing trend recently for adding a 
photograph to your CV. While we have no objection to this practice, we 
suggest that you either fire your photographer or substitute a picture of 
someone worth looking at. Meg Ryan usually does the trick. 

7. We are not sure that a doctor should learn how to perform 'no death 
river fishing'.

8. Purple is best kept for Ministers of the cloth and Royalty. It does a 
CV no favours. Either as paper or print. Especially not as both.

9. We were impressed with your background of paediatric cardiology and 
neonatology. Unfortunately, they are not among the recommended posts for 
this rotation. We wonder if you meant to apply for our paediatric SHO post 
that also closed yesterday?

10. We have received 7 identical CVs apart from the surname from the same 
address. We believe that either your wordprocessor is faulty or septuplets 
are applying for this job. Whatever, none of you were shortlisted. 

11. You do not need to put items you regard as important in BLOCK 
CAPITALS. We have coped quite well with our own language for the past 400 
years.

12. Feel free to read all the advertisement before applying. We excluded 
applicants with the FRCS because this is a training post designed for 
those working for the examination. While we are pleased that you have 
already achieved this goal, it is a bit pointless applying for this job.

13. We much enjoyed the case of Premier Cru Margaux. Inducements are of 
course forbidden so you have not been shortlisted.

14. We thought that probably only four of the testimonials in the back 
were forged, but we cannot help but wonder why they were marked, 'Highly 
Confidential' and then given to you.

15. We hope you didn't pay that translator; he has mangled that nice 
warm-hearted valedictory message from the Krankenhaus beyond common 
decency. Perhaps your cheque bounced.

16. Look, if you can't be bothered to type or write a proper covering 
letter but just fill in the gaps on a wonky over-photocopied sheet why 
should we be bothered to shortlist you?

17. Polytrauma is not an English word. Bear in mind you are applying for a 
post in the country which originated the dead parrot sketch.

18. Interesting list of practical procedures performed.  Were you just 
unlucky or did they hide all the sharp objects in your last job?

19. Aren't personal profiles interesting? Next time use your own, not 
Mother Theresa's.

20. We love challenges. Medical staffing receive around 100 job 
applications daily. Your CV suggests you probably think you could do the 
surgical rotation job. A covering letter would have made sure it got 
considered.

We wish you luck in your future applications  - to any hospital but this 
one.


Best wishes,


Rowley Cottingham

[log in to unmask]

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by
reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on
the electric fence for themselves.



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