Really beautiful and sensitive Martin. A much needed reminder.

On Sun 22 Jul, 2018, 00:54 Ricardo Martins, <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> I will try to answer 2 relevant questions, raised recently here:
> Why some people participate in this list, and other don’t?
> Why it is hard to use words as cues about our real intentions?
>
> I've been on this list for some time now.
>
> And I've noticed that people who actively participate are very few (I
> think less than 20).
>
> I feel that, like me, many are very busy, have their daily tasks to be
> done, and so there is little time left to stop and participate in the
> debates.
>
> Others may feel unable to contribute content to the level of the debate
> because they lack experience or more in-depth knowledge.
>
> This little participation is common in other Internet spaces such as
> forums, blogs, facebook groups and social networks in general. Few people
> manifest themselves because to do this it is necessary to:
>
> • have time to read the emails (some extensive),
> • have a relevant response to contribute,
> • take time to write a replica,
> • know how to write.
>
> And these four factors are not always present in our lives.
>
> And it's okay, everyone knows their priorities and the beauty of the
> Internet is to be a free territory where ideas come and go asynchronously.
> In these encounters new insights arise and people learn through respectful
> and cordial dialogue.
>
> Respectful and cordial.
>
> Hmmm.
>
> According to what Meredith Davis said, "Those of us who teach quickly
> learn that influence comes not only through what we say, but also in how we
> say it."
>
> Sometimes I've seen people take intense debates personally, face-to-face,
> making severe criticisms of "THE WORK" of someone else, so that in the end,
> both go out and have a good wine together, as if nothing had happened
> before.
>
> Personally these people had several clues that indicated they were
> attacking ideas, not people. “Hey, I do not like your idea, but I like
> you!” And everything is fine. What are these cues?
>
> The direction of the eyes.
> The position of the eyebrows.
> The posture of the body.
> Hand gestures.
> The volume of the voice.
> The tone of voice.
> The speed of speech.
>
> When we are here in the territory of the written text, it seems that all
> these clues disappear, and we see only the raw text, the naked words,
> without nuances, without irony. It's hard to know when someone is being an
> experienced and wise man we've seen in many of his videos, or just a grumpy
> person who attacks with words.
>
> The clues that indicate whether the person is talking quietly like a
> summer breeze, in a countryside, or is vociferating and acting rudely. The
> cues in a text are usually:
>
> the adjectives,
> the extension of the text,
> THE USE OF HIGH BOX IN SOME PARTS OF THE TEXT,
> the presence or absence of compliments,
> the use of generosity in words ("please", "thanks," you are welcome “).
>
> But, they are not as powerful or precise as in a face-to-face interaction.
>
> Many of the people here who are arguing in an apparently harsch manner, if
> they were face to face, they could be talking happily, with an inviting
> smile, or using an ironic, light-hearted, light-hearted manner.
>
> But the printed text takes away all of these hints and sometimes we feel
> naked, having only words to express what the tone of voice, smile and a
> handshake could say.
>
> The written text has yet another face that is not always pleasant: some
> words seem to "classify" others, making them feel inferior, and many of
> these people will react to any attempt to be classified. of the text, but
> whoever has read can assign a classificatory meaning, which may not even be
> present in the original intentions. As David Berlo said in his book The
> Process of Communication, the meaning is not in words. It is in us. And we
> can be attributing a meaning, an attitude, an intention, which is far from
> what the author originally said.
>
> These are just some reflections on what it is to participate in this
> mailing list, via text, also about the difficulties of finding time to read
> what is said, to respond and to find words that mimic the role of a smile,
> of hands moving in the air, of a kind and well-intentioned look.
>
> And my intention in writing this text was the best. I see all of you as
> people with whom I learn new insights, almost as teachers I watch as I form
> my own opinion. And I know that no one here woke up in the morning thinking
> about who hurt other with their words, or how to defend a pseudo-territory
> or reputation. We all just want to talk, drink good wine and thank for our
> gift: to be wiser when we talk to wiser people.
>
> Ricardo Martins
> Professor
>
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