Thanks, Doug. Thinking I might just trincate version 1 and do away with
‘that’ altogether.
Her laugh
sputters up so spontaneously
an unlit cigarette springs
from her unpursed lips
lands longitudinally
on her pulsing lap
bw
20.6.18
On Wed, 20 Jun 2018 at 5:50 pm, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> Well, the moment is a freaky one to catch, Bill. Think th haiku may be a
> bit too short. ut I might cut the ‘that of the 2nd line & make it the third…
>
> It’s better for me to catch the whole little cinematic event…
>
> Doug
>
> > On Jun 20, 2018, at 6:24 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >
> > Thanks, Sheila, Patrick. It was a wonderful moment in a breakfast bar in
> > Aix-en-Provence. I’ve had a few goes at it now, the last, this:
> >
> > ha.iku
> >
> >
> > a cigarette, unlit,
> >
> > hiccoughs from her mouth;
> >
> > laughter overspill.
> >
> >
> > bw
> >
> > 18.6.18
> >
> > Bill
> >
> > On Wed, 20 Jun 2018 at 10:33 am, Patrick McManus <
> > [log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> >> haha rather like someone I knew who could snatch flies
> >>
> >> grey morning here
> >>
> >>
> >> On 20/06/2018 07:20, Sheila Murphy wrote:
> >>> Very immediate, Bill! Palpable!
> >>>
> >>> On Tue, Jun 19, 2018, 11:08 PM Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> >>> wrote:
> >>>
> >>>> sputters up so spontaneously
> >>>>
> >>>> that from unpursed lips
> >>>>
> >>>> her unlit cigarette springs
> >>>>
> >>>> gyrates
> >>>>
> >>>> lands longitudinally
> >>>>
> >>>> on her pulsing lap
> >>>>
> >>>> where with light fist
> >>>>
> >>>> she snaffles it on the bounce
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> bw
> >>>>
> >>>>
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> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations
> 2 (UofAPress).
> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> Listen. If (UofAPress):
>
>
> There is no real
> world, my friends.
> Why not, then
> let the stars
> shine in our bones?
>
> Robert Kroetsch
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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