yes it is interesting that the first line is a distraction for me -def
tricky for this old head -perhaps I have listened to too much Johnny
Cash -I have seen before this can happen in other poems of course it can
be used intentionally like 'what have the xxxxd one for us?'cheers P
freezing outside this morning
On 06/04/2017 23:19, Bill Wootton wrote:
> Yes, Doug. The Man in Black may be in country trash heaven but never a
> Yikes man.
>
> Bill
>
> On Fri, 7 Apr 2017 at 5:38 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> And the ‘Yikes!’ definitely keeps it from entering that ‘Hurt’ territory…
>>
>> Doug
>>> On Apr 5, 2017, at 6:56 PM, Robin Hamilton <
>> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>> I'd keep the tercet form, Bill -- makes it read (nicely) like a mix of
>> haiku and
>>> WCW.
>>>
>>> Robin
>>>
>>>> On 06 April 2017 at 00:49 Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Thanks, Sheila, Doug, Pat again. I tried Andrew's suggestion of
>> abolishing
>>>> the tercets but still wasn't happy so I've mucked with it again, if
>>>> anybody
>>>> cares to look. I don't mind being specific about the ghee tin, Doug.
>> It
>>>> might ring a bell or serve as warning for others. Pat, I was aware
>> of the
>>>> song 'Hurt' written by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails and covered so
>>>> memorably by Cash. But in the song, the hurt is deliberate to see if
>> he
>>>> still feels pain, as I recall.
>>>>
>>>> Anyway, last effort for now reads like this, with mainly re-ordering
>>>> changes.
>>>>
>>>> Cut
>>>>
>>>> I cut myself today.
>>>> The empty green ghee tin looked useful.
>>>> Why not rinse it out?
>>>>
>>>> Yikes. Surprised by sharp in sink suds.
>>>> Internal, infernal metal edge.
>>>> Warm water masked slash to right thumb.
>>>>
>>>> Circum-grip withdrawn digit with left hand
>>>> to stem before it began, the rich red flow.
>>>> But rupture will not be denied.
>>>>
>>>> Pumping out opinions, pounding about,
>>>> we take intactness so much for granted.
>>>> Bodies just flesh jackets over blood rivers,
>>>>
>>>> always only one breach from gush.
>>>>
>>>> bw
>>>> 6.4.17
>>>>
>>>> Bill
>>>>
>>>> On Thu, 6 Apr 2017 at 6:40 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> I like the way it gets to its end Bill, but not sure you need to
>>>>> identify
>>>>> that tin, which meant nothing to me (or maybe anyone not Aussie?)…
>>>>>
>>>>> Doug
>>>>>> On Apr 5, 2017, at 12:48 PM, Patrick McManus <
>>>>> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>>>> Hi Bill just remembered what your first line reminded of -'I hurt
>>>>>> myself
>>>>> today' great Johnny cash song (written by someone else
>>>>>> cheers Patrick
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> -------- Forwarded Message --------
>>>>>> Subject: Re: Cut
>>>>>> Date: Wed, 5 Apr 2017 08:16:18 +0100
>>>>>> From: Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
>>>>>> To: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics <[log in to unmask]>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hi Bill thanks the perils of washing up and pouring out opinions -my
>>>>> shed is full of maybe useful jars and tins
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On 04/04/2017 23:37, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>>>>>> I cut myself today
>>>>>>> Surprised by sharp
>>>>>>> in sink suds
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> The green ghee tin
>>>>>>> looked useful
>>>>>>> Why not wash it out
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Warm water masked
>>>>>>> the slash to right thumb
>>>>>>> Infernal internal metal edge
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Quick withdrawal
>>>>>>> Circumgrip with left hand
>>>>>>> to stem before it began
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> the rich red flow
>>>>>>> But rupture will not
>>>>>>> be denied its outflow
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> All of us, pumping out
>>>>>>> opinions, pounding about,
>>>>>>> only so many blood rivers
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> and sub-rivers,
>>>>>>> one breach from
>>>>>>> clearing out.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> bw
>>>>> Douglas Barbour
>>>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>>> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>>>>
>>>>> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
>>>>> Continuations
>>>>> 2 (UofAPress).
>>>>> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>>>>> Listen. If (UofAPress):
>>>>>
>>>>> and as you read
>>>>> the sea is turning its dark pages
>>>>> turning
>>>>> its dark pages.
>>>>>
>>>>> Denise Levertov
>>>>>
>> Douglas Barbour
>> [log in to unmask]
>> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>
>> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations
>> 2 (UofAPress).
>> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>> Listen. If (UofAPress):
>>
>>
>> and as you read
>> the sea is turning its dark pages
>> turning
>> its dark pages.
>>
>> Denise Levertov
>>
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