Yes, Doug. The Man in Black may be in country trash heaven but never a
Yikes man.
Bill
On Fri, 7 Apr 2017 at 5:38 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> And the ‘Yikes!’ definitely keeps it from entering that ‘Hurt’ territory…
>
> Doug
> > On Apr 5, 2017, at 6:56 PM, Robin Hamilton <
> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > I'd keep the tercet form, Bill -- makes it read (nicely) like a mix of
> haiku and
> > WCW.
> >
> > Robin
> >
> >>
> >> On 06 April 2017 at 00:49 Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >>
> >>
> >> Thanks, Sheila, Doug, Pat again. I tried Andrew's suggestion of
> abolishing
> >> the tercets but still wasn't happy so I've mucked with it again, if
> >> anybody
> >> cares to look. I don't mind being specific about the ghee tin, Doug.
> It
> >> might ring a bell or serve as warning for others. Pat, I was aware
> of the
> >> song 'Hurt' written by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails and covered so
> >> memorably by Cash. But in the song, the hurt is deliberate to see if
> he
> >> still feels pain, as I recall.
> >>
> >> Anyway, last effort for now reads like this, with mainly re-ordering
> >> changes.
> >>
> >> Cut
> >>
> >> I cut myself today.
> >> The empty green ghee tin looked useful.
> >> Why not rinse it out?
> >>
> >> Yikes. Surprised by sharp in sink suds.
> >> Internal, infernal metal edge.
> >> Warm water masked slash to right thumb.
> >>
> >> Circum-grip withdrawn digit with left hand
> >> to stem before it began, the rich red flow.
> >> But rupture will not be denied.
> >>
> >> Pumping out opinions, pounding about,
> >> we take intactness so much for granted.
> >> Bodies just flesh jackets over blood rivers,
> >>
> >> always only one breach from gush.
> >>
> >> bw
> >> 6.4.17
> >>
> >> Bill
> >>
> >> On Thu, 6 Apr 2017 at 6:40 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]
> >
> >> wrote:
> >>
> >>> I like the way it gets to its end Bill, but not sure you need to
> >>> identify
> >>> that tin, which meant nothing to me (or maybe anyone not Aussie?)…
> >>>
> >>> Doug
> >>>> On Apr 5, 2017, at 12:48 PM, Patrick McManus <
> >>> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>> Hi Bill just remembered what your first line reminded of -'I hurt
> >>>> myself
> >>> today' great Johnny cash song (written by someone else
> >>>>
> >>>> cheers Patrick
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> -------- Forwarded Message --------
> >>>> Subject: Re: Cut
> >>>> Date: Wed, 5 Apr 2017 08:16:18 +0100
> >>>> From: Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
> >>>> To: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics <[log in to unmask]>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> Hi Bill thanks the perils of washing up and pouring out opinions -my
> >>> shed is full of maybe useful jars and tins
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> On 04/04/2017 23:37, Bill Wootton wrote:
> >>>>> I cut myself today
> >>>>> Surprised by sharp
> >>>>> in sink suds
> >>>>>
> >>>>> The green ghee tin
> >>>>> looked useful
> >>>>> Why not wash it out
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Warm water masked
> >>>>> the slash to right thumb
> >>>>> Infernal internal metal edge
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Quick withdrawal
> >>>>> Circumgrip with left hand
> >>>>> to stem before it began
> >>>>>
> >>>>> the rich red flow
> >>>>> But rupture will not
> >>>>> be denied its outflow
> >>>>>
> >>>>> All of us, pumping out
> >>>>> opinions, pounding about,
> >>>>> only so many blood rivers
> >>>>>
> >>>>> and sub-rivers,
> >>>>> one breach from
> >>>>> clearing out.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> bw
> >>>
> >>> Douglas Barbour
> >>> [log in to unmask]
> >>> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> >>>
> >>> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
> >>> Continuations
> >>> 2 (UofAPress).
> >>> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> >>> Listen. If (UofAPress):
> >>>
> >>> and as you read
> >>> the sea is turning its dark pages
> >>> turning
> >>> its dark pages.
> >>>
> >>> Denise Levertov
> >>>
> >>
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations
> 2 (UofAPress).
> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> Listen. If (UofAPress):
>
>
> and as you read
> the sea is turning its dark pages
> turning
> its dark pages.
>
> Denise Levertov
>
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