Kari-Hans et al,
These guidelines apply to pretty much *all* discussions, not just those on
email lists.
One might generally summarize them as theorems of Wheaton's Law: "Don't be
a dick."
I might add one more guideline to your list - my personal favorite - the
philosophical principle of charity, which "requires interpreting a
speaker's statements to be rational and, in the case of any argument,
considering its best, strongest possible interpretation." (
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_charity) I personally have found
this principle to be extremely helpful in maintaining a respectful
environment even in the face of statements I might find surprising if not
offensive.
There's one condition I'd place on all this, though, and that's the
importance of context. I have no problem with people telling Donald Trump,
for instance, to shut up, because he exists (these days) in a context where
he has the opportunity and the means than to know better than spew the
filth he spews. Even more - and this is where I offer an actual *opinion* -
I believe it's important for rational, well-informed people to take every
possible action to prevent the spread of lies and hate that come from
people like Trump; but that's not the point. The point here is that
context matters, but that even if the default position should be a
respectful one, there are circumstances in which being respectful does
*nothing* to resolve a situation.
\V/_ /fas
*Prof. Filippo A. Salustri, Ph.D., P.Eng.*
Email: [log in to unmask]
Web: http://deseng.ryerson.ca/~fil/
ORCID: 0000-0002-3689-5112 <http://orcid.org/0000-0002-3689-5112>
On 1 July 2016 at 13:37, Kommonen Kari-Hans <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> Dear all,
>
> I was planning to write a text of my own regarding the recent heated
> discussions on the list, but I though that surely this has been discussed
> elsewhere in several occasions. So, this is the first one I found that
> echoes my own thoughts. Please find below a quote from
> http://www.madmanweb.com/archives/0102avoiding_personal_conflict_on_mailing_lists.html,
> included here so that you don’t have to jump to your browser.
>
> I suggest that we should all try to follow these suggestions. And as my
> wish to all participants: don’t leave in anger, consider if you can do
> something to dismantle the tension yourself, and let’s try to recover and
> build peace and hold on to this list and maintain it as an inclusive and
> respectful forum.
>
> Peace, Kari-Hans
>
> --------
>
> "Avoiding personal conflict on mailing lists
>
> February 22, 2001
>
> I subscribe to email discussion lists on various topics like web
> development, information architecture, experience design, online writing,
> etc. I have often seen vicious arguments break out on some of them.
> Somebody posts something, then someone else not only refutes that but also
> calls the original poster a moron for not knowing better. Pretty soon, many
> flames are exchanged, and the rest of the list subscribers are silent
> witnesses to a bloody mess. Nobody likes that.
>
> From observing these battles, I've found some common behavioural patterns
> in all such incidents. The following is my list of suggestions for avoiding
> flames and managing conflict on mailing lists:
>
> 1. Attack an opinion, not the person. This is my golden rule for resolving
> conflicts. If, for example, you want to point out that the design of a
> person's site sucks, don't also add that you think the person is a clueless
> designer. Nobody likes to be called incompetent.
>
> Bad
>
> • You're an ass for suggesting that we use ASP on our site
> • Clearly you haven't read the documentation properly, or you
> wouldn't be suggesting this
> • If another person tells me that Windows is better than Linux,
> I'll spank him
> • You are SO wrong!!!
> Good
>
> • ASP running using HalcyonASP lacks some key features that we
> need on our site
> • In the documentation at
> http://www.example.com/docs/installation.htm, this issue has been
> explained
> • (just don't start a platform flame war :)
> • I disagree with you.
>
> 2. Avoid sarcasm. Cultural and individual sensitivity to sarcasm varies
> from person to person. Forget that silly quote about sarcasm being the
> highest form of wit. Remember that mailing lists can have people from all
> over the world. Respect their culture too.
>
> 3. When you disagree with someone, say just that. "I disagree" is not the
> same as "You're wrong". The former is a difference of opinion; the latter
> can be construed as a personal attack, even when it's not. When possible,
> avoid any "you" statement. Make it an "I" statement instead. The subtle
> (and sometimes not so subtle) effect of having "you" in a sentence is that
> it puts the spotlight on the person receiving the message. A natural
> defensive barrier goes up.
>
> 4. When possible, show empathy for the receiver.
> Bad: "Why can't you see that this db schema won't scale to support
> transactions with thousands of users? I've already told you two times that
> it won't work because [reasons]"
>
> Good: "I realise you've thought through this, but I'm not sure this db
> schema is scalable for the features we're planning. Here's why: [reasons]"
>
> Believe me, you can never win an argument by starting a letter or email
> with a negative stance, even when you're 100% right. The other person's
> pride will be hurt, and such a person will fight it out to the death :)
>
>
> 5. Don't be cryptic. Say what you mean, in as simple and straight a way as
> possible. Avoid innuendo, implied statements, and stuff like "wtf?",
> "*shrug*", etc.
>
> 6. When in doubt over what the other person meant, ask him or her. Don't
> assume anything. Wars have been fought over assumptions.
>
> 7. Humour is always good to diffuse a tense situation. When you suspect
> that the other person may misinterpret you, use emoticons.”
>
> --------
>
> Kari-Hans Kommonen
> Director, Arki research group
>
> Media Lab, Dept of Media
> Aalto University, School of Arts, Design and Architecture (Aalto ARTS)
> mail: PO Box 16500, FI-00076 AALTO
> visit: Miestentie 3, 02150 ESPOO, Finland
> email: [log in to unmask]
> mobile: +358 405010729
> in Japan: +81 80-2396-2896
>
>
>
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