Glad to oblige, Sheila.
Bill
> On 19 Aug 2015, at 5:33 pm, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Bill, I thank you for this idea, and find it works well. Glad to receive
> and apply this fine suggestion.
> Sheila
>> On Aug 19, 2015 12:22 AM, "Bill Wootton" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> Intriguing, Sheila. I thought at first the poem was about a bushfire.
>> Otherwise how can rising smoke 'sound'? But, no, it is a 'gentle
>> afternoon'. Whether you adopt Andrew's suggestion or not, I like the final
>> stanza best, although would you consider replacing the comma after 'heard'
>> in line 15 with a semi-colon? The whole stanza sounds so circular and reads
>> so beautifully.
>>
>> Bill
>>
>>> On 19 Aug 2015, at 12:28 pm, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>> I like it, Sheila, for its centredness, surprisingly: She is the centre
>> and
>>> they are outer perimeter. Reading it like this, I'd like to move the last
>>> verse first. Before you say 'no', try it. I think it works nicely.
>>>
>>> Andrew
>>> Peripheral poet
>>>
>>>> On 19 August 2015 at 11:39, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Where she is, they are
>>>> indistinguishable from the sound
>>>> of thin smoke rising
>>>> to the heat of afternoon
>>>>
>>>> Where they are, trees are,
>>>> along the warm cement wall
>>>> where they sit, and where she smokes
>>>> the slender brand, this gentle afternoon
>>>>
>>>> Where they speak, they do not hear
>>>> smoke rise toward the blue
>>>> behind lace branches where the shadow
>>>> mimics slight moves of receiving branches
>>>>
>>>> Where she listens, her small breath
>>>> is heard, not smoke, not voice,
>>>> not thin wind, just the blend
>>>> of each one being where they are
>>>>
>>>> Sheila E. Murphy
>
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