I like the first version - and I appreciate the parenthesis (pl?) because
they vary the tonal register (and the syntactical, if that isn't
tautological). Thus spake the Corowa Kid ...
Andrew
On 22 July 2015 at 21:04, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> Hi Bill was just thinking of the temptations to rewrite meddle wreck other
> peoples poems -you see it horribly rearing its head in workshops- you see a
> delicate maybe not very good poem by some-one destroyed by them losing its
> original charm
> P
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Bill Wootton
> Sent: 22 July 2015 10:43
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Drifters
>
> All right, Pat, so a combination of the two. I'll have to get my editing
> boots on again it seems.
>
> Thanks,
> Bill
>
> On 22/07/2015, at 6:21 PM, Patrick McManus wrote:
>
> > Hi Bill liked gist of this -not sure you need brackets-personally I
> > preferred the ending to the first version -the second version ending
> > seemed to this old soul a bit clunky -maybe it's just me !!cheers P
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> > On Behalf Of Bill Wootton
> > Sent: 21 July 2015 23:00
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> > Subject: Drifters
> >
> > Drifters
> >
> > First drift
> >
> > Can words drift
> > into poetry,
> > (begin prosaically,
> > informatively, looking
> > for all the world at first,
> > like workmanlike,
> > jobbing sentence components)
> > and then,
> > (right under your eyes as it were,
> > before you're aware)
> > transform
> > through dent of odd
> > placement
> > or line
> > turn,
> > into thought-provocative
> > perception-inverters,
> > mood-changers,
> > joy inspirers,
> > propellers
> > into the
> > uncanny?
> >
> >
> > Second drift
> >
> > Can words drift into poetry?
> > Beginning prosaically,
> > informatively, looking
> > for all the world,
> > to be workmanlike,
> > jobbing sentence components,
> > then right beneath your eyes,
> > as it were,
> > before you're aware,
> > transforming,
> > through dent of odd
> > placement
> > or line
> > turn,
> > into mood-changers,
> > joy-inspirers,
> > perception-inverters,
> > propellers
> > into uncanny mind zones?
> >
> > bw
> > 22 .7.15
> >
> > Preferences, other ideas, people of the poetryetc?
> >
>
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