Thanks, Andrew. Looks like there might be a case for bracket creep, Patrick.
Bill
On 22/07/2015, at 9:49 PM, Andrew Burke wrote:
> I like the first version - and I appreciate the parenthesis (pl?) because
> they vary the tonal register (and the syntactical, if that isn't
> tautological). Thus spake the Corowa Kid ...
>
>
> Andrew
>
> On 22 July 2015 at 21:04, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
>> Hi Bill was just thinking of the temptations to rewrite meddle wreck other
>> peoples poems -you see it horribly rearing its head in workshops- you see a
>> delicate maybe not very good poem by some-one destroyed by them losing its
>> original charm
>> P
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
>> Behalf Of Bill Wootton
>> Sent: 22 July 2015 10:43
>> To: [log in to unmask]
>> Subject: Re: Drifters
>>
>> All right, Pat, so a combination of the two. I'll have to get my editing
>> boots on again it seems.
>>
>> Thanks,
>> Bill
>>
>> On 22/07/2015, at 6:21 PM, Patrick McManus wrote:
>>
>>> Hi Bill liked gist of this -not sure you need brackets-personally I
>>> preferred the ending to the first version -the second version ending
>>> seemed to this old soul a bit clunky -maybe it's just me !!cheers P
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
>>> On Behalf Of Bill Wootton
>>> Sent: 21 July 2015 23:00
>>> To: [log in to unmask]
>>> Subject: Drifters
>>>
>>> Drifters
>>>
>>> First drift
>>>
>>> Can words drift
>>> into poetry,
>>> (begin prosaically,
>>> informatively, looking
>>> for all the world at first,
>>> like workmanlike,
>>> jobbing sentence components)
>>> and then,
>>> (right under your eyes as it were,
>>> before you're aware)
>>> transform
>>> through dent of odd
>>> placement
>>> or line
>>> turn,
>>> into thought-provocative
>>> perception-inverters,
>>> mood-changers,
>>> joy inspirers,
>>> propellers
>>> into the
>>> uncanny?
>>>
>>>
>>> Second drift
>>>
>>> Can words drift into poetry?
>>> Beginning prosaically,
>>> informatively, looking
>>> for all the world,
>>> to be workmanlike,
>>> jobbing sentence components,
>>> then right beneath your eyes,
>>> as it were,
>>> before you're aware,
>>> transforming,
>>> through dent of odd
>>> placement
>>> or line
>>> turn,
>>> into mood-changers,
>>> joy-inspirers,
>>> perception-inverters,
>>> propellers
>>> into uncanny mind zones?
>>>
>>> bw
>>> 22 .7.15
>>>
>>> Preferences, other ideas, people of the poetryetc?
>>>
>>
>
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