Thanks, Doug. I was feeling a niggle there too with the opening. Have now settled for this:
In pale half-dawn pot-belly spilling over shorts,
he sweeps, sweeps, seeks what lies beneath,
Bill
> On 7 Aug 2014, at 4:31 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Yeah: catches a momentary glimpse, Bill.
>
> I found 'the pot-bellied shorts wearer’ a bit awkward, wanted something sharper like maybe:
>
> the pot-bellied, in shorts, ?
>
> Doug
>> On Aug 5, 2014, at 4:13 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> Beach Detection
>>
>> In pale half-dawn the pot-bellied shorts wearer
>> sweeps, sweeps, seeks what lies beneath,
>>
>> doing the disc wave, knapsack-backed,
>> furlined headphones enclamped,
>>
>> covering territory at a hover, pausing now
>> to scrape unhurriedly before replacing
>>
>> sand divots. Soon, surely, all these
>> healthy mornings must pay off.
>>
>> bw
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress).
> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>
> Something else is out there
> godamnit
>
> And I want to hear it
>
> C.D.Wright
>
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