Neat, Bill.
However, I thought for a second that below the title
Silent snap 2
was a gap, a space, a white emptiness
filled with silence.
(When the crowd rushed after the spectacle of Cleopatra,
didn’t they leave a
gap in nature?)
Max
On 10 Jul 2014, at 3:50 pm, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Right, here goes:
>
> Silent snap 2
>
> Silent snap 2
>
> How to impress
> upon someone
> that silence
>
> is not a vacuum
> between interludes
> of sound,
>
> is savourable,
> that silence is
> what it is.
>
>
> bw
> 10.7.14
>
>
> Pushing the 'is' envelope for Doug, incorporating most of Lawrence's adviicd and adding two commas for Pat.
>
> Bill
>
>
>>
>> On 9 Jul 2014, at 3:12 pm, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>>> Thanks, Lawrence, Doug, Pat and Andrew. Will contemplate both the advice
>> and support. Silently. In noisy
>>> Cairns.
>>>
>>> Bill
>>>
>>> On Wed, Jul 9th, 2014 at 12:01 PM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]>
>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> I simply like it.
>>>>
>>>> A
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On 9 July 2014 02:09, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> After two such learned comments I tread carefully
>>>>> I enjoyed the poem but (for me it stumbled a bit reading it aloud)
>>>>> Maybe I am missing summat! Line nine could be lost but also shouldn't
>>>> 'that
>>>>> silence' be better 'silence that' then is flows on next lines -also
>>>> again
>>>>> 'between interludes of chat' s could be better shorter 'between chat'
>>>>> Cheers P back to sleep
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
>>>> On
>>>>> Behalf Of Lawrence Upton
>>>>> Sent: 08 July 2014 16:26
>>>>> To: [log in to unmask]
>>>>> Subject: Re: Silent snap
>>>>>
>>>>> Hi Bill
>>>>> I like this; and it's been nagging at me because, possibly with
>>>> arrogance,
>>>>> I
>>>>> think you could make it even better...
>>>>>
>>>>> What about making line 5 line 4 and vice versa? It changes meanings
>>>> without
>>>>> contradicting your meanings. It avoids 4 sibilants "silence is
>>>> desirable"
>>>>> together. I *think it makes your "argument " stronger
>>>>>
>>>>> I don't think you need line 9. Leaving it out makes you less
>> specific,
>>>> but
>>>>> surely that's not the most important thing.
>>>>>
>>>>> & finally "establish" bothered me. Sorry but it's a little bit too
>>>>> businesslike for me. Best I can come up with is empathise. If it
>> *were
>>>> my
>>>>> poem, I might go for that, odd though it might be. As it isn't my
>> poem,
>>>>> I'll
>>>>> just let my muttering fade out with a thanks for what you have done
>>>> this
>>>>> far
>>>>>
>>>>> L
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> On 8 July 2014 12:55, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> How to create silence
>>>>>>
>>>>>> How to establish
>>>>>> with someone
>>>>>> that silence
>>>>>>
>>>>>> is desirable
>>>>>> is not a vacuum
>>>>>> between interludes of chat
>>>>>>
>>>>>> that silence is
>>>>>> what it is.
>>>>>> Savourable.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> bw
>>>>>> 8.7.14
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>> Andrew
>>>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>>>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
>>>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
>>>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
>>>>
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>>>>
>>>>
>>
>>
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