I'll certainly think on that. I agree there's a change but I am not sure
what you mean by the shift from one to you; so I am not sure what it is I'd
be editing out. (I'd be quite capable at that point of writing "looking
closer, one sees..." & it's nufffin to do with her maj. you know
anyway, i shall look again at it. i found it in my domestics file this
morning where it slipped when i wrote it some months ago and has evaded
attention
best
On 13 November 2013 17:40, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I like it, perhaps because it too seems so formal(ized)?
>
> But the address seems different in the final stanza, Lawrence, a shift
> from 'one' to 'you' implied, but I'm not sure how or why. There's a stasis
> of the 'is' in the first 2, & I wonder if you can edit a bit of that out?
>
> Doug
> On Nov 13, 2013, at 5:09 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
> > Facets of this river are boxed away
> >
> > and rarely seen but as humdrum imagery.
> >
> > It is decoration that is wanted,
> >
> > released as what is seen as cool;
> >
> >
> >
> > and so one stands near the fountain, to stare
> >
> > over a field of pools, in profusion,
> >
> > quietly wondering why it has been set here,
> >
> > pleased nevertheless for certain calm.
> >
> >
> >
> > Yet, now look closer and regard them well:
> >
> > watch how lines are drawn momentarily
> >
> > by and into water itself, a mode of dance,
> >
> > constructing space and edges within it,
> >
> > without ever stacking what it collects
> >
> > to distort or divert the visible meaning.
> >
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> Recording Dates
> (Rubicon Press)
>
> Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
>
> Guy Davenport
>
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