Yes, Doug's suggestions have helped me. I even changed the name of a novel
because he felt the first version was inappropriate!
On 16 November 2013 09:00, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> It's been a damn fine suggestion, Doug. It's given me compression.
>
> Bill
>
> > On 16 Nov 2013, at 3:12 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >
> > Well, it's always only a suggestion, but I admit I made it to 3 young
> poets during a series of editing sessions yesterday...
> >
> > And Lawrence thought about it & decided he needed it & that's fine. I am
> happy to have people make suggestions; then, as always, a writer can say
> (or write) stet....
> >
> > Doug
> >> On Nov 14, 2013, at 4:24 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >>
> >> Ha! I don't know about falling foul; but I do know of his preferences.
> >>
> >> L
> >>
> >>
> >>> On 13 November 2013 21:46, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >>>
> >>> If you want to fall foul of Doug, L, you'll is, you'll are. Can be
> >>> liberating, eventually, but it didn't come naturally to me either.
> >>>
> >>> B
> >>>
> >>>>> On 14 Nov 2013, at 5:03 am, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
> >>>> wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>> well i didnt mean too have anyone there but if you feel his her
> presence
> >>>> they may be there
> >>>>
> >>>> i'll have a look - thanks for that
> >>>>
> >>>> i almost certainly need my isses and ares!
> >>>>
> >>>> Thanks, Doug
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>> On 13 November 2013 17:59, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> >>> wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>> I just felt it did, as if it became an address to someone in the
> final
> >>>>> stanza, an apostrophe, & had not been that before.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> And I wondered if you needed all the 'is's & 'are's in st 1...
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Doug
> >>>>> On Nov 13, 2013, at 10:53 AM, Lawrence Upton <
> [log in to unmask]>
> >>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>> I'll certainly think on that. I agree there's a change but I am not
> >>> sure
> >>>>>> what you mean by the shift from one to you; so I am not sure what
> it is
> >>>>> I'd
> >>>>>> be editing out. (I'd be quite capable at that point of writing
> "looking
> >>>>>> closer, one sees..." & it's nufffin to do with her maj. you know
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> anyway, i shall look again at it. i found it in my domestics file
> this
> >>>>>> morning where it slipped when i wrote it some months ago and has
> evaded
> >>>>>> attention
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> best
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> On 13 November 2013 17:40, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> >>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> I like it, perhaps because it too seems so formal(ized)?
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> But the address seems different in the final stanza, Lawrence, a
> shift
> >>>>>>> from 'one' to 'you' implied, but I'm not sure how or why. There's a
> >>>>> stasis
> >>>>>>> of the 'is' in the first 2, & I wonder if you can edit a bit of
> that
> >>>>> out?
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Doug
> >>>>>>> On Nov 13, 2013, at 5:09 AM, Lawrence Upton <
> [log in to unmask]>
> >>>>>>> wrote:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Facets of this river are boxed away
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> and rarely seen but as humdrum imagery.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> It is decoration that is wanted,
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> released as what is seen as cool;
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> and so one stands near the fountain, to stare
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> over a field of pools, in profusion,
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> quietly wondering why it has been set here,
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> pleased nevertheless for certain calm.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Yet, now look closer and regard them well:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> watch how lines are drawn momentarily
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> by and into water itself, a mode of dance,
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> constructing space and edges within it,
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> without ever stacking what it collects
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> to distort or divert the visible meaning.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Douglas Barbour
> >>>>>>> [log in to unmask]
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> >>>>>>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Latest books:
> >>>>>>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> >>>>>>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> >>>>>>> Recording Dates
> >>>>>>> (Rubicon Press)
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Guy Davenport
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Douglas Barbour
> >>>>> [log in to unmask]
> >>>>>
> >>>>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> >>>>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Latest books:
> >>>>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> >>>>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> >>>>> Recording Dates
> >>>>> (Rubicon Press)
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Guy Davenport
> >
> > Douglas Barbour
> > [log in to unmask]
> >
> > http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> > http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> >
> > Latest books:
> > Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> > http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> > Recording Dates
> > (Rubicon Press)
> >
> > Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
> >
> > Guy Davenport
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
'Undercover of Lightness'
http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
'Shikibu Shuffle'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
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