Well, I take the point about the first verse, Andrew, but I dont want to lose Yea.
Doug
On 2013-01-09, at 12:27 AM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I love its pace and rhythm, other than the first verse. Do you think you
> need to fill the reader in like a press article? Nah - let 'em jump in with
> you at a full on pace! Drop the first verse - the rest is explanatory.
> Perhaps add some jaunty verses in the same rhythm, with or without
> Marmalade in them. (I'm reminded of Shel Silverstein, one of my fav poets!
> If you don't know him, take a look - there's sure to be some on the 'Net.)
>
> Andrew
>
> On 9 January 2013 09:58, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> pleasant
>>
>> maybe change line 2 to
>> visit Marmalades
>>
>> and write a sequel about Flowerdale?
>>
>>
>> On 09/01/2013, at 7:20 AM, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>
>>> When in Yea
>>> open seven days
>>> is Marmalades
>>> ex general store
>>>
>>> You can eat a tart
>>> look at art
>>> relax your heart
>>> by a fountain
>>>
>>> Drink coffee iced
>>> Fairly priced
>>> Be enticed
>>> at Marmalades
>>>
>>> Heading back
>>> are many tracks
>>> no choices lack
>>> Try Flowerdale
>>
>
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> 'Undercover of Lightness'
> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
Latest books:
Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
Wednesdays'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
Swept snow, Li Po,
by dawn’s 40-watt moon
to the road that hies to office
away from home.
Lorine Niedecker
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