I think you're reading this well, Bill.
The departure from standard punctuation (rather than unpunctuated,
I'd argue) is deliberate -- though the trick of being able to read so
that it is ambiguous if one is end stopping or running on is one not
easily performed.
It works better on hearing than on the page perhaps, or the page is a
score
Shadows do pulse
as surely as faces disrobe
Thanks for the attention
L
----- Original Message -----
From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
To:
Cc:
Sent:Fri, 11 Jan 2013 07:54:39 +1100
Subject:Re: late snap
Lawrence, I liked 'attraction closing', thinking this to be some
oxymoron, attraction being a condition which would normally open you
up, make you receptive to love, ready to act on desire but in this
case having the effect of shutting off emotion. But as usual with your
largely unpunctuated poems, they require several re- readings. So
perhaps it is more a case of attraction shutting up shop. Anyway I
like also 'trapped echo' as a simile with its suggestions of ad
infinitum clashing words. Face 'disrobing' is a surprising, almost
horror-laden description. I'm less convinced that shadows could ever
'pulse' but maybe I've never been that distraught.
Cheers,
Bill
On 10/01/2013, at 9:34 PM, Lawrence Upton wrote:
>
>
> DOMESTIC
>
> one of those argumentative days.
>
> it all seems unconvincing.
>
> sucked in another outburst --
>
> parting with urgent necessity --
>
> a person's body crumpling --
>
> the face disrobing – blending
>
> unrecognisably as a trapped echo
>
> or dying in a void slowly
>
> attraction closing
>
> desire for despair
>
> lowering of a mind
>
> in surprised recognition
>
> throwing shadows pulsing
>
> impenetrably materialising
>
>
>
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