A lot here, yes. Personally I think you can dispense with the opening four lines ("riding...fast"). If it starts with "I've something to show you" you set up a great mystery, almost a quest.
Ken
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Ken Wolman http://awfulrowing.wordpress.com/
"All writers are hunters, and parents are the most available prey."
--Francine du Plessix Gray
On Dec 21, 2011, at 5:09 PM, sharon brogan wrote:
> *riding the dragon
>
> (from midnight journal notes 12/16/02011)
>
> riding the dragon
> reaching for the brass ring
> it keeps spinning past
>
> too fast, too fast
>
> riding the dragon
> above the air
> into the dark
> stars up there
>
> i’ve something to show you
> she said
> you follow her through
> the halls of the dead
>
> into the locked room
> its angels & affirmations
> all the broken wings
>
> you’re in a trance now
> a mental dance now
> your brain is made of snow
>
> white out | white out
>
> a smear of memories
> across the windshield
> of your mind
>
> where are you going?
> what do you do now?
>
> the still-black sky
> the silent streets
> reproach you
>
> riding the dragon
> reaching for the brass ring
> it keeps spinning past
> too fast, too fast *
>
>
> --
> sharon brogan
> http://www.sbpoet.com
> http://www.sbpoet.net
> http://smallpoems.sbpoet.net
> 406.578.1788
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