Liz:
It sounds like your practice is exactly what we would advocate at ACER. In fact, it's required (throw some Valuing People and requisite NHS documents on "patient" voice at them.) More importantly, leisure provision is a service for the *children* rather than their parents, so I can't imagine that their parents would be likely to have greater insight. The ability express a choice (even if it's only yes or no) is really crucial.
David Preece's article on consultation with children with ASD on their experiences of short breaks/respite might be useful as well: http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/118926272/abstract?CRETRY=1&SRETRY=0
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