well, of course, Roger, i am over 60, but still, i dont think it
should, & i like that, also 'the Globe,' which also suggests the
outdoors-ness of the audience, seeing it all.
i agree that perhaps it can be trimmed a bit, but it moves right
through the narrative now. not on;y are they sure of their future,
they still dont think they'll ever die!
& the title is okay, still, by me...
Doug
On 26-Sep-08, at 12:37 AM, Roger Day wrote:
> Hoagy Carmichael might stump most people under 60.
>
> I don't like "sure of their balance and future", I think that "future"
> is too didactic. As is "suddenly".
>
> If it was me, I think I'd cut down the sentences involving youth, keep
> the sentences that describe their actions short and snappy.
>
> "I'm at the Globe"
>
> left me wondering what the heck "Globe" was ... maybe "I'm at the
> theatre"? More prosaic but less of a reach between word and meaning
> for most people.
>
> Roger
Douglas Barbour
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