Indeed. I read the poem out aloud and it sounds great! Full of meat and vigor.
Soarcrates
On 11/2/07, andrew burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> 'Full stops'? 'Commas'? What? This poem has great thrust - I'd throw
> some of the commas away! But the pace of it is orchestrated by this
> structure and the score that is heard in the poet's head is
> re-presented here on the 'page' ... Read it out aloud - great.
>
> Thanks, Peter, I enjoyed it muchly.
>
> Andrew
>
> On 03/11/2007, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > I like this poem. but one small thing, a lot of commas.
> >
> > On 11/2/07, Peter Ciccariello <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > This disappeared winter of the poet
> > >
> > > Seven years and bones that guard the house
> > > Go past the airports, go past the books, the recorded age
> > > Slough off this disappeared winter of the poet,
> > > Disambiguate the snow, this absolutely pale, white,
> > > Shimmering snow, now disfiguring the black mirror of the sea
> > > You and your guards in your stumbling, in your flight out of the tunnel,
> > > Drowning inside this house that refuses to agree to daylight,
> > > A house bereft of the instruments of seconds, hours and days
> > > Until this day, this recorded age the frozen newspapers, bones that agree
> > > Drowning this poet, this falling time leaving newspapers, cemeteries
> > > Joyfully enlisted bird crews shaking this winter of a man
> > > Free almost as a promise of redemption
> > > The man that statues the disfigured bachelor
> > > Living his winter out in a house of drowning poetry
> > > We agreed to shut down the pages, the words, anything
> > > That could be that precise
> > > This is how we survive, dark, cold and dying
> > > In the apoplectic curse of our apathy
> > >
> > > - Peter Ciccariello
> > > http://poemsfromprovidence.blogspot.com/
> > >
> >
> >
> > --
> > My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
> > "In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons."
> > Roman Proverb
> >
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> http://www.inblogs.net/hispirits
> http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
>
--
My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
"In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons."
Roman Proverb
|